Zack Snyder’s “Seven Jedi.”

..And I don’t need to say another damned word, huh?  The title has directly downloaded itself via your optic nerves into your hypothalamus;  right now the room is almost painfully bright and there’s a taste of bananas and electricity in the back of your mouth.  Light sabers.  Kurosawa.  Slow-motion combat scenes.  You did not know that such a thing might be allowed to exist.

This is what it is like to be pandered to, my Star Wars droogies.  This is how it feels to have impersonal forces casually shuck your carapace so that they may then feast upon your succulent money.

While nothing can top last year’s mega-huge reveal that Disney was buying LucasFilm with an eye toward making a brand-new trilogy, today’s announcement that Zack Snyder will direct a standalone Star Wars film separate from that new trilogy is still pretty massive.

Vulture broke the news this afternoon, stating that Snyder – who took himself out of the running for directing the newly-announced Episode VII – will instead develop a new Star Wars project for the company. The new feature will be inspired by Akira Kurosawa’s seminal Seven Samurai, and will apparently run parallel to events in the new trilogy.

Also: apparently we didn’t need to get stuff like this over George Lucas’ dead body. Who knew? Continue reading Zack Snyder’s “Seven Jedi.”

All hail the Soulless Corporate Behemoth! #starwars #disney

The rumor is that they’re tapping the Guy Who Wrote The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi and the Guy Who Wrote Sherlock Holmes and X-Men: First Class to do the scripts for the upcoming Star Wars movies.  Apparently The Mouse likes to makes a metric [expletive deleted]-ton of money off of geeks: who knew?

Thanks, guys.  Mind you, we still need to reform that absurdly punitive copyright scheme that the Mouse has inflicted on the country.

Moe Lane

Via:

OK. So which movie director SHOULD do Episode VII?

OK, so when I went off on Disney acquiring LucasFilm yesterday I had a lot of people point out to me that at least Disney will sell us stuff that we tell them that we actually want to buy – which Lucas always had a problem with. And I admit, that is an argument. So then I see this:

Continue reading OK. So which movie director SHOULD do Episode VII?

George Lucas finds last square inch of Star Wars not yet urinated upon.

Hey, did you ever want to see a Star Wars television series about its criminal subculture? …OK, maybe you did; maybe you didn’t; but the idea itself is not objectionable to you, I suspect. Well, it doesn’t really matter, because you’re going to get it anyway… maybe. It’s called “Star Wars: Underworld,” and they’re working on it:

“We’re at a complicated impasse right now,” [Star Wars producer Rick] McCallum told IGN. “We have… 50 scripts [that are] unbelievable. The most provocative, the most bold and daring material that we’ve ever done.”

I know that most of you are wincing at that last sentence, but there may be stubborn holdouts who somehow managed to save vs. stark revelation of sanity-destroying cosmic truth. Allow me to crush your souls.

McCallum added that Underworld will only enter production once George Lucas can make the show “at the cost of maybe $4 or $5 million an episode”.

Continue reading George Lucas finds last square inch of Star Wars not yet urinated upon.

…For some reason I feel better for seeing this.

I guess because we have people out there whose only job in life is trying to make sure that stuff like this can happen.

Via @caidid (it would have been the other guy, but Mother Jones blocked my personal IP* so they don’t want my traffic anyway).

Moe Lane

*Yes, I’m very proud of that, too.  The best part?  I don’t even remember going after them particularly.

Nodwick is confused about why Lucas himself…

…is so determined to rewrite history itself and declare that Han did not shoot first  (which, by the way, is in contradiction to the original script).  I suspect that I know the answer, but it’s depressing: George Lucas knows that his only hope for any sort of artistic immortality will be because the Holy Trilogy, and he hates that.  So he tortures his movies because, well, he can.

It’s sad, in its way.  Also: kind of creepy.

Moe Lane

PS: HAN SHOT FIRST.