TIME BANDITS canceled.

I do not say, ‘Never remake TIME BANDITS.’ I do not even say, ‘You have to be as good as Terry Gilliam to remake TIME BANDITS.’ I do say, “Do not let your ego write checks that your body can’t cash.” The new TIME BANDITS show did not seem to have much more of a reason to exist than, “Not enough people have seen this movie, so let’s do it as a series.” Which is… fine; but it would have been much more efficient to simply widely re-release the original flick in theaters, and put some advertising behind it.

…Hey, would that strategy have worked worse?

#commissionearned

…I’m not even going to dignify the FISTFUL OF DOLLARS / TIME BANDITS remakes with a response.

You can see the news for A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS here and the trailer for TIME BANDITS here. I will say only this: Taika Waititi needs to go sit in a corner, and think about what he has done. And maybe watch the original TIME BANDITS again, to see all the Christian subtext that Terry Gilliam put in there, probably without even realizing it.

#commissionearned

So, they almost did a TIME BANDITS sequel.

Feel free to click through to GeekTyrant’s description of it. Spoiler warning: the sequel would have been a pile of shit. …I was half-tempted to come with something a little less robustly Anglo-Saxon, there – but no. There are times when you have to call a pile of shit a pile of shit, and this is that time. Go watch TIME BANDITS again, instead – and offer praise to the LORD that this is not the worst timeline, after all.

#commissionearned

Time Bandits remake? WHAT?

NO!  BAD HANDMADE FILMS! BAD!

NO BISCUIT!

(pause)

I mean, seriously: “a bigscreen kids action franchise?” Have they actually SEEN Time Bandits?  This is like… like doing the Watchmen graphic novel as a crappy 1980s Saturday cartoon show:

Yes, it’s a funny concept.  It’s funny because it would totally suck, which is why people didn’t actually do it.  These guys are actually threatening to do it.

Moe Lane

Via @jimmiebjr