May
07
2015

Yeah, everybody at the Scotsman *did* eat the fries right from the hopper.

James Franco, on the joys of eating at Mickey Dee’s:

I had been a vegetarian for a year before working there because I was obsessed with River Phoenix, a staunch vegetarian — he actually cried on a date with Martha Plimpton when she ordered soft-shell crabs. But as soon as I got to McDonald’s and was paying my own way, I started eating the cheeseburgers that were headed for the trash after being under the warming lamps from more than seven minutes. I would also sneak frozen apple bars and eat them in the freezer, still frozen — great with coffee.

I hate to whistleblow, but everyone ate straight from the fry hopper. You’d walk by and snag a fry and pop it in your mouth. So easy. I also put tons of salt on the fries because that’s how I like them. I don’t know if the customers ever complained.

You always over-salted, because the only people who’d complain about that were the people who would be demanding fresh french fries anyway.  I will not shock my more impressionable readers with lurid details about how we made sure that such individuals never visited us again; suffice it to say that when you’re working one of the only beachfront Mickey Dee’s in America, you don’t develop very many regulars during the summertime. And the winter people were mostly old folks that we were happy to take the time for anyway.

As for the Scotsman’s business woes… :shrug: Start cooking fries in beef fat and start telling the food Nazis to eat somewhere else.  Couple that with a few death-from-orbit nuisance lawsuits – the Golden Arches surely still has its crack team of demon-lawyers, yes? – and the sales will pop back up once people hear about the food tasting better.  Also, get some proper styrofoam containers again.  The paper ones don’t work right.

Moe Lane

PS: And get off my lawn!

11 Comments

  • Jeff Weimer says:

    “As for the Scotsman’s business woes… :shrug: Start cooking fries in beef fat and start telling the food Nazis to eat somewhere else.”

    Amen. Times a thousand.

    • acat says:

      The food Nazis and the Hindus, but what a good Hindu is doing at a Mickey D’s in the first place …
      .
      Mew

      • Jeff Weimer says:

        Seriously, F^@k CSPI – they drove tallow out in favor of…ta da…partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, aka transfats. And now THAT is their current crusade. If I wasn’t so cynical that I’m sure it was a job-security ploy I would be wondering about their sanity.
        .
        Oh yeah, bring back coconut oil for popcorn, too.
        .
        Jackasses.

        • Mikey NTH says:

          I still use my hot-air popper. Fast and trouble-free. And everything afterwards.

    • Dan says:

      Youbetcha. Beef tallow is the ONLY way to fry fries.

      • acat says:

        Clearly, you’ve never had fries in duck fat.
        .
        That said, it takes a *lot* of ducks…
        .
        Mew

    • Luke says:

      And ten thousand more.

  • ChrisValentine says:

    My poor dad… he hates salt and almost always asks for fries with none (that he ends up getting fresher fries is a bonus, in his mind).

    Then again, he also wonders why all my mother’s cooking is so bland…

  • Erin Palette says:

    Can we also mandate they go back to frying the apple pies?

  • Mikey NTH says:

    He comes across quite normal.

    Of course, that movie “This Is The End” was delightfully subversive to the politically correct narrative.

  • Jeffstag says:

    They also need to change their decor back to bright primary colors. Not that I liked it before, but the whole business model of Mcdonalds used to be that it was a candy house trap for young children who then drag their parents along. It’s a model that has proven to be very effective.

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