This just got sent to me, and, well.
Yes.
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming.
Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
Ah. Kids.
This is from the book “Lamentations of the Father” by Ian Frazier. Very funny man, also wrote the book “Coyote V. Acme” as series of legal briefs representing Wiley Coyote in lawsuits against the Acme Company for various product failures. http://www.amazon.com/Ian-Frazier/e/B000AQ1OMW/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
And this piece originally appeared in The Atlantic Monthly, more than a dozen years ago:
http://www.theatlantic.com/past/docs/issues/97feb/frazier/frazier.htm