My wife mentioned this (Laws Concerning Food and Drink; Household Principles; Lamentations of the Father) in a conversation with me this evening: it’s almost two decades old, but still hysterical. It’s usually called “The Mommy’s Old Testament,” which is kind of… annoying, because it wasn’t written by a woman. Ach, well: here’s a taste.
On ScreamingDo not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.
Fortunately, my kids are either more finicky – or less finicky – than that; it’s hot dogs and nuggets all the way with them. Plus multivitamins so that they won’t get scurvy, or something. People might talk, otherwise.
And so my youngest niece came inside from playing and behold!
She was most wroth.
And my brother her father asked “Do you want to play inside?”
And the youngest niece uttered “No!”
And her father asked “Do you want to play outside?”
And the youngest niece stated “No!”
And I whispered to my brother, the father of the youngest niece, saying “I think someone is over-tired.”
And my brother nodded and said to his child who is also the youngest niece “Sit down here for your uncle my brother and I are making the frozen chicken thawed with hot water so that it may be cooked on the grill and made mighty tasty.”
And the youngest niece sat upon the chair, and within minutes fell to sleep in such a way that pictures were taken, so that the pictures could be shown to grandparents.
And the uncle who is the brother to the father of the youngest niece, and that same brother, came to think it was good.
Thus endeth the lesson and this piece of understanding.
There is also this piece of Peter Gunn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcLNMjkr9gY
Gerard Vandeleun has had it up a couple of times because it is so good.
What guy would not want to be that sharp and that tough? Noir and Bond blended together by Blake Edwards. Before he went with Inspector Clouseau.