Quote of the Day, I Hate To Admit That The Guardian Has A Point… edition.

…but brutal honesty requires me to admit that I can sort of see the argument in this one, specific paragraph.

Now, I know that the Guardian doesn’t have a particularly festive reputation, and I realise that what I’m about to say isn’t exactly going to help this reputation. But hear me out: all I want for Christmas is to stamp on Elf on the Shelf’s throat until it coughs up blood and dies.

Apparently the craze has hit England, and they’re not too happy about it. I can’t say that I blame England, either: I’m pretty sure that the only reason that I wouldn’t take a Zippo to any EotS that ended up in my house is because I’d be afraid that the smoke would give me cancer.  I won’t even put up an Amazon link to those things.  Yes.  That’s how much I loathe them.

Mind you, I wouldn’t actually kill an EotS, if they were alive.  That’s murder, presumably – and thus wicked.  But I would call in the FBI in a heartbeat to get the distributors up on human (well, Elven, I guess) trafficking charges. And then I’d sleep like a baby (who’s learned to sleep properly) afterward.

Moe Lane

5 thoughts on “Quote of the Day, I Hate To Admit That The Guardian Has A Point… edition.”

  1. Perhaps I lead a sheltered (cloistered might be more accurate?) life, but I’ve never seen one irl, and only a handful on the internet. To me they are kind of dumb, but…. meh, whatever.

    1. It’s just something else for wives to drive themselves nuts over.
      But it’s the best kind of thing for your wife to drive herself nuts over. It only lasts a couple of weeks, and at the end of it, you’re out maybe $20.
      .
      She’ll still try to rope you into it, of course. There are three ways to effectively deal with that. (Spoiler: telling her that it’s her project, and that you don’t want to participate, isn’t one of them.)
      1) Go completely over the top. (I booby-trapped the kid’s door with a zip-line. So when they opened the door in the morning, the elf shot through at a high rate of speed. Remember, part of the myth is if you touch him, he goes away.)
      2) Flagrantly make no effort. (He’s got a wee little head, he’s obviously not very smart. Have him “hide” in a glass jar. Or just invoke the “if I can’t see them, they can’t see me” trope.)
      3) Put him someplace where you know the kids will never, ever check. (I put him I the dishwasher. I said he was checking if the kids were doing their chores. They weren’t.)

      1. …..I have no idea what you’re on about…? There’s a myth? It can be a project? I know more than I did, I suppose, but that was already more than I had any use for, though I begin to understand Moe’s (and the Guardian’s) position. Please refrain from further damage to my obviously blissful ignorance. 😀

        1. 😉 All you need know, is that it’s a chance for mommies to virtue signal.
          (Kind of like scrapbooking.)

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