Three Indian robbers discover novel suicide method.

So, let me set the scenario for you.  You’ve got these forty or so bandits in India who decide to rob a train.  So they take control of the train in the middle of the night – the forty of them, remember – then stop it in the middle of the jungle.  Then they start robbing the passengers; needless to say, these forty robbers are all armed with various hand weapons.  So there’s a lot of larceny going on, here… and then a couple of bandits further decide that they’re going to go and rape one of the passengers.

And that’s when the Gurkha stands up.

If you can’t predict what happened next, you should be ashamed of your ignorance.  Harsh, but true.

Almost embarrassingly, Bishnu Shrestha only (yeah, like I – or anybody else reading this, probably – could do better) killed three of the bandits and wounded eight more before the rest ran away (presumably screaming) into the night. Still, the objective of inflicting abject terror upon the forces of evil was accomplished: after all, the man did have his kukri* with him, which meant that he effectively outnumbered the bandits one-to-forty.  Also, it’s hard to tell from the original article, but I think that it’s at least suggesting that the retired soldier was using one of the bandits as either a shield or a weapon – and, you know: screw it.  He was using the bandit as both at the same time, and that’s how I’m going to tell this story for the rest of my life.   I am sure that Bishnu Shrestha will forgive me for that; if I wasn’t sure, then I wouldn’t dare.

Anyway, see Knowledge Is Power, RS McCain, and Ace of Spades HQ for more: personally, I feel that this entire episode is very useful, from a scientific view point.  No, really: it’s a classic experimental proof of one of the basic physical laws of the universe.  Said law being, of course, Do not fuck with the Gurkhas.

No, really.  I think that it was Paul Dirac who discovered that one.

Moe Lane

*”Knife” is such a dull translation of the word. We’re talking about a weapon suitable for sneaking up on a sentry, gutting him, then decapitating him afterward so that the wielder could latter prove that, yes, he actually did kill the sentry even though nobody heard him do it.  And yes, that happened a lot.


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