Moe Lane

Haven’t had to uncork this one in a while.

Pachelbel Canon in D

I was reminded today that there are nigh-infinitely worse things that could be happening to me right now than having to push to get another $47/month pledged to my Patreon.  I need to remember that. And to remember to be glad for the support that I have already, which is nothing to sneeze at.

Note that I’m still banging a pot for my Patreon.  Because the business of the day must still be done.

Prologue
Chapter 1, Part 1
Chapter 1, Part 2
Chapter 1, Part 3
Chapter 1, Part 4
Chapter 1, Part 5

Chapter 2, Part 1

From here:

The Fine AF 1999 Toyota Corolla, wasn’t going to put this on twitter but the guy took it off of Craig’s list so I felt the need to keep the story alive😂 pic.twitter.com/7Pbrayqn58

— Brendan Tokarski (@btredwing98) April 23, 2018

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Cedar Jack’s Dodo Ranch – Google Docs

Cedar Jack’s Dodo Ranch

This sprawling (1,200 acre) poultry farm in southern Nebraska is not exactly hidden; it’s just obscure.  There aren’t any neighbors, Cedar Jack’s Dodo Ranch is rural enough that the site has its own generators and sewage treatment, and the operators of the Ranch don’t advertise their products. Despite the name, nobody named Jack has owned the Ranch within living memory; currently, it’s competently operated by Greg and Linda Henderson. They took over the place twenty years ago, and plan to let their kids operate it, assuming that their kids want to run a free-range poultry farm that specializes in extinct birds.

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It’s fair.

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What is going on with that actor?

Joss Whedon: I will make a movie about comic book superheroes that is dumb even while watched.
Ruben Fleischer: You are like a little baby. Watch this.https://t.co/U4OnYl6MCD

— (((≠))) (@ThomasHCrown) April 24, 2018

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Lonely Ol’ Night, John Mellencamp

Not a chance of it happening.  Swamp gas reflecting off of Venus.  Fer sure. Kevin Feige is absolutely saying that:

“No, because any of that deal would take a while to get going and years from whenever and if ever it happens. So, certainly it won’t impact the five movies we’ve announced, and it probably wouldn’t impact anything for a handful of years after that. Because really, we’re not thinking about that. We’re thinking of delivering on what we promised. Any movie, especially for any characters we don’t have the rights to yet until someone tells us we do, would be even further after that.”

Just like Avi Arad was pooh-poohing any thought of Spider-Man playing second fiddle in the MCU: (more…)

Movie’s premiering tonight, embargo drops tomorrow(?), I’m seeing it Friday, and after that spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War will no longer be my active problem. I ain’t going to spoil it, myself, although since it’s a two-parter I assume that people are going to be really pumped up about figuring out How It All Ends.  Entertainingly, I’m actually more excited about Deadpool 2, Ant-Man and the Wasp — and the Aquaman movie, because I heard that the film tested really well with the live audiences.

So no spoilers here for at least the first two weeks. After that, missing the movie is probably more of a life choice for people anyway.

Moe Lane

PS: I’m probably going to go see Solo, sure.  I don’t think that I can avoid it.  Maybe it won’t suck.

Got dark quick.

Sequoia Mortars – Google Docs

Sequoia Mortars

Description: It looks remarkably like a World War II American M2 Mortar, if they had been made out of rich, brown-inlaid wood (and glowed faintly blue in the dark). Unlike most Elvish items, Sequoia Mortars appear to be mass… ‘produced?’ ‘Grown?’ ‘Conjured?’  There’s also an extremely death-tinged magical aura about them that many mages find unpleasant. They’re not quite Evil weapons, but they’re closer to ones than you’d normally expect Elves to get.

To use, aim the Sequoia Mortar at your target (typical range is about one quarter to one half mile).  Drop in the payload (a modified Sequoia pine cone; the payload is very expensive and hideously rare) and enough mana to get the pine cone launched and distributed. Once the Mortar’s been fired, either fire it again, or grab it and run like the devil.  Enemy mages will come looking for you.

Once at the top of its arc, the Sequoia Mortar round will disintegrate, causing its seeds (typically about sixty viable ones per cone) to descend straight down above the target, ignoring wind.  Once they land, the seeds will rapidly mature into a sequoia sapling. Extremely rapidly: a sequoia tree seeded by this method will reach full maturity in 5 years.  Worse, the sequoia’s growth will be fuelled via frankly necromantic means: these things suck out all the sentient life force within five hundred feet.  Spend more than fifteen minutes in the presence of a growing Sequoia Mortar tree, and you’ll be too weak to move. Spend more than a half hour, and you’ll never move again. The death field dissipates after the tree matures in five years, which is a lot shorter-term to an Elf than it is to a Human or Orc; and it’s otherwise a normal tree.  So: excellent for clearing out stubborn legionary camps and/or walled colonies.

The only reason Elves can get away with using Sequoia Mortars is because Elves generally do not engage in wars of aggression.  These are explicitly guerrilla weapons, and they only get broken out when invaders manage to viciously conquer a significant portion of Elvish lands.  Using them offensively absolutely infuriates the other races; using them defensively usually just results in indifferent shrugs. A sentient race has a right to defend itself against aggressors, right?  But by the same token: nobody says anything when it turns out that Elves caught with a Sequoia Mortar invariably decide to fight to the death, rather than be captured. Mess with death magic, accept the consequences.

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