Moe Lane

I ran this one at a couple of conventions.  Things got a little weird out towards the end, honestly.

Great Cow Race of 2003 – Google Docs

The Great Cow Race of 2003

By Moe Lane

Additional Bad Ideas by Jaymiel (and maybe others?)

It all started with a gang of Ofanim of the Wind – you know, stories that begin with that phrase never seem to end well. (more…)

This wasn’t really all that serious, either.

HellCows of Ronald – Google Docs

HellCows of Ronald

The Prince of Cows absolutely refuses to seek out human servants (he gets a few, anyway, mostly servants of various demons ‘assigned’ to the Service of Cows). However, Ronald needs corporeal agents as badly as any other Demon Prince, so he’s come up with a fairly, ah, unique way of getting them.

Yes, he has Hellsworn cows.

(more…)

Yes. Actual cows.  It was not the most serious of writeups.

Ronald, Prince of Cows – Google Docs

Ronald

Djinn Prince of Cows

The world…

(Stops and points)

Cow.

Every organization has them, you know. Those who just don’t fit in properly. Those who just can’t get it. Those who can’t get a grip on reality, no matter how hard they try. You know: idiots.

(more…)

Via Ken Hite. It’s the 120th anniversary of the first printing of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which is one of those books that more or less shaped the development of its particular genre without ever actually quite meaning to. Obviously, the vampire legend existed before Stoker; for that matter, the vampire novel existed before Stoker.  But there was something peculiar about his book that made it linger in the cultural consensus.

Possibly it’s because Dracula is fairly easy to bring to film? (Ironic, that.) It — unlike most of the previous entries in the vampire fiction genre — has a reasonably comprehensive blot, and imagery that doesn’t require a heavy special effects budget.  I don’t know if that’s a good enough reason to explain why Dracula went to Hollywood, and then never looked back; but I’d certainly argue it over a beer.

My kids are going to pop their tabs, or whatever the heck the phrase is today. However, they’re not Kinder Surprise Eggs; they’re Kinder Joy Eggs. What’s the difference?

The difference with the Kinder Joy egg is that it comes with two individually wrapped halves. One half has the surprise toy inside, the other has tiny wafer balls, chocolate cream, and a tiny scoop. So basically, your kids are still going to love them. And you no longer have to feel like a criminal smuggling contraband into your home if you stumble upon one.

(more…)

I don’t know if this quote is true, and I choose not to find out. It sounds like something Sinatra might say, and that’s good enough for me. Hoboken, like the rest of New Jersey, puts its hooks in a man.

“What’s pork roll?”
“May god have mercy on your poor soul.”
-Frank Sinatra—Hoboken, N.J.

Moe Lane

PS: It’s just not the same when you make it yourself, somehow.

Thunderstruck, AC/DC

Forty years old today, if you score the premiere as a birthday. And why not?  Which means that Star Wars is probably going to have a midlife crisis now. …Yes, it’s kind of already having a midlife crisis. Sort of.  It’s certainly got the sports car and hot new girlfriend vibe going, huh?

Anyway…

…I have nothing really to talk about except the computer, because that’s what I spent most of the day dealing with.  Games do boot up MUCH faster on the SSHD; startlingly so, in fact. Conan Exiles used to take forever to load itself, and now it doesn’t.  I do have one wrinkle: my old hard drive needs to be connected to a power source, but I’m not sure if I have enough oomph in the magic thinky box to power it normally, or whether I need to put in another new esoteric energy crystal.

…Yes, that’s the level of my knowledge.  And I’d ask my computer guy, except that I did ask my computer guy, and… look. The dude is fast, cheap, doesn’t screw around, and does a thorough job.  What he may not be all that great at is English as a second language, all right? Or maybe I’m not great at explaining what esoteric stuff I need done.  You can’t have everything. I have double the hard drive space, and faster load times.  I’m coming out ahead on this one as it is.

OK. So it’s a plot device.

Wells Fargo Wagon – Google Docs

The Wells Fargo Wagon

Normally musicals don’t actually trigger a physical manifestation of a concept like this, but sometimes even low probability scenarios occur.  The Wells Fargo Wagon typically manifests in the form of a horse-drawn enclosed cargo carriage, complete with a friendly driver (typically male) who happily converses with people while smilingly never telling them anything about himself, his wagon, or how it all works.  Speaking metaphysically, the Wagon is a standard wish-generator in tangible form, but with three major differences:

(more…)

And the secondary hard drive’s installed, but it needs to be powered up.  Something funky about that which I didn’t quite catch.  I think that it’s running more quickly now, but I haven’t tested it with any games yet.  Probably my next step, here.

Off to get the computer upgraded.  I may be a while. Or not; you know how computers are.