“Bacon will turn you into a true warrior.”

Damn straight it will.

Please note for the record that bacon is a metaphysical concept as it is a god among foodstuffs.  I mention this because people have asked, Why is there turkey bacon?  To which I reply, Because of the First Amendment.  Turkey bacon allows those of us whose dietary and/or religious restrictions to nonetheless symbolically tap into the ur-bacon, the Collective Bacon Gestalt, the Baconic Continuum that unites and unifies our culture; to ban such a substance is thus to arguably to discourage the free practice of religions that may not directly partake of bacon.  And, of course, Congress is strictly enjoined from passing laws restricting the free practice of religion.



  • Spegen says:

    I told many people that i will not convert to any religion that rejects the divinity of bacon and i will not become a vegan until bacon grows on trees

  • Doug Stewart says:

    There’s the joke about a rabbi and a priest who get a-talkin’ and the priest says “Be honest. Have you REALLY never tried bacon?”

    The rabbi says “I must admit, I have tried it. It was good, and I do miss eating it. Now, have YOU honestly never been with a lady?”

    The priest thinks for a moment and says “Alas, yes, in my younger days, I did spend a wayward night with a young woman.”

    The rabbi says with a smile, “It was better than bacon, wasn’t it?”

  • Rob Crawford says:

    “Bacon is God’s candy.” — former co-worker

  • Catseye says:

    My favorite ham fried in bacon grease with bacon in a sandwich with melted Swiss Cheese, lettuce and mustard. Amazing how well bacon and ham go together.

  • Spegen says:

    By the way, turkey bacon is like kissing your sister. Just wrong.

    heard the rabbi/priest joke in my Judiasm class at a Catholic college, he just changed bacon to lobster in the telling.

    • Moe_Lane says:

      Spegen: thing is, I like turkey on its own merits. Taking some, grinding it up, pounding it flat and thin, then frying it up on the griddle does not in fact sound all that bad. It’s not bacon-bacon, but as substitutes go it’s not actively wretched.

      Also: I usually only encounter it when I’m a guest in somebody’s house; which constrains my response, obviously.

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