This was NOT written by me. This was written by my wife, based on a new Christmas present for our eldest (and an old Christmas present for our eldest*). I am merely reproducing it (with her gracious permission) for all y’all’s delectation.
“How the Tyrannosaur Got Her Arms.”
Once upon a time, there was a ferocious tyrannosaur.
She had very large teeth to bite, and strong legs to run, but very small arms.
One day, the tyrannosaur was talking with her friend, Dragon.
“You are so lucky to have wings,” said the tyrannosaur. “Although I have big teeth.”
“I also have big teeth,” said Dragon.
“Well, I have strong hind legs,” said the tyrannosaur, trying to make herself feel better.
“I suppose your hind legs are stronger than mine,” admitted Dragon. “But I have horns and front legs.”
“I have front legs, too!” protested the tyrannosaur.
“Heh. Barely,” said Dragon, who wasn’t very nice.
Feeling very unhappy about not having horns or wings or big front legs, the tyrannosaur ran away. “Stupid Dragon,” she sniffed.
Stomping around the featureless red plain where she seemed to live, the tyrannosaur came across something very strange:
“What is that?” the tyrannosaur asked, wishing she could wipe her nose. But her arms were too short for that. She leaned in to take a closer look at the strange thing.
“Hum,” she hummed. “I think it might fit on my head. Perhaps it’s a hat?” So she nosed her giant snout under the thing and wiggled and wriggled until it was on her head.
“I don’t think it’s a hat,” the tyrannosaur said. “It’s rather large. I think it might fit around my waist. Perhaps it’s a belt?” She tilted her powerful neck up and waggled and woggled until it was around her waist.
“That’s a little better,” said the tyrannosaur. “But these two ends don’t want to buckle together. In fact, they’re metal and stiff and strong, and they just want to hang at my side like my arms. Hey!” the tyrannosaur shouted. “They’re arms! They’re robot arms!”
So she undulated her serpentine back and bobbled and bounced until the robot arms were wrapped around her shoulders, and the mechanized attachment points whizzed and whirred. “I’ve got arms! Long, metal robot arms!” the tyrannosaur exclaimed excitedly. “I can scratch my nose! I can rub my eyes! I can touch my toes!”
“This is great!” said the tyrannosaur. I’ve got to go back and show Dragon my new arms!”
So the tyrannosaur turned around and went back to Dragon’s house.
Knock, knock, knock. “Who’s there?” Dragon asked. “I know it can’t be the tyrannosaur. Her little arms can’t reach the door knocker.”
But as it turned out, they could. And they could also reach the door knob. And they could also also reach Dragon.
…Yes, I know. I am a very lucky man.
*For those wondering