Aug
30
2017
2

Creature Seed: Oso, the God of Cocaine.

Oso, the God of Cocaine – Google Docs

Oso, the God of Cocaine

 

Unholy Symbol: a Grateful Dead-style dancing bear, with white paws, and white lines descending from its nose and mouth.

 

Why does he take the form of a black bear?  Because when you’re a dark theurgic engineer, you work with what you have.  If you have a bear that died from eating 40 kilos of cocaine, got stuffed, put in a museum, stolen, pawned off, bought by Waylon Jennings — hold on, it gets weirder — gifted to a friend of the guy who originally accidentally gave the bear the cocaine (not to mention posthumously, as the cocaine’s owner had ejected the cocaine just before he died in a tragic, yet somewhat satisfying, combination skydiving/drug-running incident), displayed in a Reno mansion for a decade, then sold to a Chinese-American apothecary who needed a display for his traditional medicine shop — look, you apotheosize the damned bear into the God of Cocaine, all right?  The mystical charge on this one was so strong that the woman who nominally owned the bear couldn’t stand it, and wasn’t able to throw it out.  It was almost irresponsible not to turn it into a god.

(more…)

Aug
28
2017
6

Creature seed: Canursines.

[UPDATE: Today is a good day.]

Canursines – Google Docs

Canursines

(Blame Penny Arcade.)

 

Wolves. That turn into bears.  As has been said in the aftermath of many a catastrophe: “It seemed a good idea at the time.” Or “Well, the principle was sound.” That’s a popular one, too.

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Aug
27
2017
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Item Seed: Boozerang

Boozerang – Google Docs

Boozerang

 

A Boozerang is a magically enhanced, hollowed out boomerang (typically filled with blessed wine or beer, although any watery liquid can do in a pinch) designed to be thrown in a very tight (18 foot radius) circle, then returned to the user’s hand. Part of the enchantment enables the tight radius and return; the rest of the magic handles the controlled spray-release (as a fine mist) of the liquid inside the artifact. You do not have to be a mage to operate a Boozerang.

(more…)

Aug
26
2017
1

Location Seed: Foster Park Gazebo.

Foster Park Gazebo – Google Docs

Foster Park Gazebo

 

The Foster Park Gazebo is located in Le Mars, Iowa; it is mundanely located in the Foster Park Historic District, and is considered to be a historical site of some local note.  Esoterically speaking, it is easily the single most occultly-charged location in the Midwest between Chicago and Rapid City, South Dakota. It’s so potent that novice spellcasters are advised to cast no spells within two hundred feet of the gazebo itself, particularly including ones involving fertility.

(more…)

Aug
25
2017
--

Creature seed: Spikehorn Armadillos.

I saw a picture of an armadillo with longhorns somewhere on Facebook today.

Spikehorn Armadillos – Google Docs

Spikehorn Armadillos

 

When the nuclear tests of the 1950s produced giant ants, it also promptly produced creatures that could eat the giant ants.  Well, not the giant ants the size of buildings.  No, the smaller giant ants; the ones that are just the size of humans.  That’s what Spikehorn Armadillos eat.  And other giant bugs.

(more…)

Aug
23
2017
--

Creature Seed: ‘Clockwork Pigeons.’

Clockwork Pigeons – Google Docs

Clockwork Pigeons

 

‘Clockwork’ is not exactly the right term for these xenological lifeforms; they’re essentially independent collections of mosses that band together to produce more complicated ‘organisms.’ On the other hand, ‘clockwork’ does describe how the various collections interact with each other inside the Pigeon itself. Typically, said organisms look more or less like Terran birds, done up in various shades of brown, tan, and copper. Clockwork Pigeons pretty much can survive anywhere that has Earthlike conditions, and they’re incredibly difficult to eradicate once they establish themselves in an ecosystem.  

(more…)

Aug
22
2017
--

Group seed: The Order of Saint Andrew.

Blame this.

Order of Saint Andrew – Google Docs

The Order of Saint Andrew

Lycanthropes — and other were-species, to be sure — have always been a difficult issue for the Church.  Penitent vampires generally have been a self-correcting problem; intelligent artificial constructs have been cleared for the last two centuries by a secret Papal bull noting that the Almighty was just as capable of ensouling a created life-form as He was of a natural-born child; and if a non-human could survive the baptismal process, well, that was that.  But werewolves were problematical. The cursed ones could be cured, of course; but the ones born into the condition were often harder to treat.  At the same time, many of these people were genuinely good sorts who happened to turn into wild beasts during the full moon. They were ill, not evil.

(more…)

Aug
21
2017
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Item Seed: The Vorpal Snowglobe.

Vorpal Snowglobe – Google Docs

The Vorpal Snowglobe

 

Appearance: a snow globe with snowflakes and a wooden snowman in it.

 

The Vorpal Snowglobe would normally be considered a hideous blasphemy, given the materials that it’s made out of.  The glass was melted down from sand gathered in Mecca; the water inside it was taken from the headwaters of the Ganges.  The wooden figurine found inside of it was carved from a piece of the True Cross, and the ‘snowflakes’ are actually fragments of bones from a hundred saints of a dozen faiths.  In short, everything in the Snowglobe is arguably a perversion of one religious tradition or another.

(more…)

Aug
19
2017
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Spell seed: Hacked.

Hacked – Google Docs

Hacked

Hacked is a subtle, but potentially deadly spell: when cast on a person, it makes him think that he’s deleted a comment on social media without posting it, when in reality he’s just hit Enter. The spell also alters the victim’s short-term memory so that he does not actually remember writing the comment in the first place. If the victim is not currently posting on social media when Hacked is cast, the spell stays in place for eight hours, then dissipates. (more…)

Aug
14
2017
--

Adventure Seed: The Knockerhood.

Knockerhood – Google Docs

The Knockerhood

 

For as long as men have gone down into mines, they have told stories about mining spirits.  Sometimes the spirits were considered malevolent, but more often — particularly in the British Isles — they were essentially seen as being benevolent entities who would warn human miners of dangerous conditions. The Cornish and Welsh called them Knockers, or Bucca; and, like all good tale-telling traditionalists, the miners brought the idea of the Knockers along when immigrating to America.  

 

Where the Knockers promptly joined the union.

(more…)

Aug
13
2017
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Item Seed: 101 Classic Insults in Helltongue.

101 Classic Insults in Helltongue – Google Docs

101 Classic Insults in Helltongue

 

This handsome leather-bound work runs to about 220 pages, has no printer information, and incorporates illustrations that force the average human reader to blank out the pictures in sheer neurological self-defense.  That last bit tends to encourage people to believe that 101 Classic Insults in Helltongue is in fact ‘real,’ given the rather obvious reality-warping going on.  Given that the rest of the book features lengthy phonetic transcriptions and short translations of what sound like fairly bizarre statements (“Your brood-mate cleans its horns with second-rate bone sand,” that sort of thing), it’s likely that dilettantes wouldn’t bother with the book otherwise.  There’s also a section which earnestly assures the reader that showing dominance over spirits via the use of ritual insults is a time-tested way to safely summon demons.

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Aug
11
2017
1

Location Seed: Oak Island Base.

Oak Island Base – Google Docs

Oak Island Base

 

How do you keep a secret?  By not keeping anybody around who can see it.  Oak Island is a small island in the Lake of the Woods that was ceded to the United States by the Webster-Ashburton Treaty, ostensibly to resolve surveying errors but mostly because the British government preferred that the underground derelict alien base found on it become the headache of somebody else. British savants had prodded and poked at the stupid thing for forty years, they got nothing out of it, and perhaps Brother Jonathan would have better luck.  Or else get themselves blown up by randomly touching things.

 

The American government — with, admittedly, a lot of help from first the British, then the Canadian governments — has been themselves nervously poking at the place ever since.  Oak Island Base is an extensive underground facility with ten levels, and enough space to host about five hundred humans; based on the size of the ‘beds’ and ‘tables’ in the facility, it was capable of hosting about seven hundred or so of the aliens.  Most of the facility is empty: the aliens apparently took everything with them that could be easily removed.  It wasn’t until the 1930s that researchers realized that there was an electrical system in the place, and the 1960s before somebody figured out how to refuel the nuclear reactor that powered it.  Discovering that there were embedded video screens to switch on didn’t occur until 1998; people have been trying to decypher the digital menus and library ever since.

(more…)

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