A friend of mine is putting together a project, and asked me for some input thereof. Here’s four of the first things that I came up with. Note: it would have been five, except that I got distracted by The Biology of B-Movie Monsters, which is an article made of awesome.
- If my research requires me to understand rage before I can eliminate it, I will not infect chimpanzees with a virulently contagious virus that causes uncontrollable, murderous behavior just to have a reliable sample of same. Just being five minutes late with the little bastards’ bananas does it every time. (28 Days Later
)
- Rabbits have been domesticated for thousands of years. In all that time, nobody has thought to increase their size to that of a Buick. There is a reason for this. (Night of the Lepus
)*
- If I desire the services of an illiterate, odd-looking servant with strange religious views, instead of constructing one out of a wolf I will simply go to Whitechapel and hire a human. He’ll be happy to trade regular meals and almost clean underwear for keeping the house clean and promising not to eat the cook.(**)
- When recreating dinosaur species from their DNA in order to create a theme park, remember this simple safety tip: no carnivores. (Jurassic Park
)
Kind of fun to come up with, really.
Moe Lane
*And anybody who wants that probably wants this, too: Drive-In Movie Classics 50 Movie Pack
**OK, this is a tough one. This The Island of Dr. Moreau
