It’s making the rounds, after all (Ace is probably being the most viciously and entertainingly mocking about it). Needless to say, you can have my Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Dart Blaster when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. Or when I’m done playing with it and you want a turn firing an Oh my God it’s a fully automatic Nerf machine gun I so designed well drew one of these when I was a kid this is the best thing ever I always knew that you could put batteries in or something. Because I understand the appeal.
Obviously.
Next thing you know they want your sword and axe, the BASTARDS.
Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like a Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Dart Blaster, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there at Toys R Us with all the other freaking awesome toys and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what an awesome, killer, best of the year, bad a$$, jealousy inspiring, big time, bully destroying, make em hug dirt, stolen from my dreams, battery eating, brilliant, earth shattering, dog terrifying, stroke of genius, size improving, hope fulfilling, heart stopping, make me get off my fat-a$$ and go bug-eyed, TRIPOD INCLUDED, stroke inducing, I’ll pay an entire sack of money for it, he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?