Welp. This is… this is stuff that I used to do more often. Blame this.
Zombie Lawn Gnomes
As apocalyptic entities go, these things are… disturbing and sanity-eroding, but they’re not exactly dangerous. Zombie Lawn Gnomes (people are still trying to figure out how to shorten that name properly) look like… well, they look like plaster or resin lawn gnomes that have been zombified. Eroded and greyish skin, visible bones, arms straight out… classic stuff, really. And yes, they move around in order to find their prey, which are… other lawn gnomes. Or small statuary. They’ll chomp on a terra cotta planter if there are no other options, but: it’s strictly ceramic with these guys. If you’re made out of meat or metal, they don’t care about you at all. Needless to say: any statuary that gets bitten by a Zombie Lawn Gnomes will transform into one itself; a human that gets bitten by one… apparently will only have that happen by accident, and there’s absolutely no long-term effect at all. Aside from getting a cut from something ceramic, of course.
The governments of the world, of course, would be heavily engaged of course in suppressing the knowledge of even the existence of Zombie Lawn Gnomes (assuming that the governments of the world actually can). Why ‘of course?’ …Because whatever Zombie Lawn Gnomes are, they are clearly Something Different. Zombie Lawn Gnomes should not exist in orderly, sensible universes. It doesn’t matter if they’re supernatural, esoteric, demonic, occult, or filled with nanobots (which is our generation’s way of saying ‘supernatural, esoteric, demonic, and/or occult,’); think about them too long, and some people freak out. And it’s the Lovecraft-style cosmic-terror style freak out, too. It’s like the things are designed to put over the edge all the people inclined to write down just how scared they are of the eldritch monstrosity that’s about to eat their spleen. And for all anybody knows… Zombie Lawn Gnomes are.
Oh, and how do you kill one? …You pick it up and drop it on the sidewalk? Kinetic energy seems to work pretty well with Zombie Lawn Gnomes, although I’d recommend against shooting them. It’d be pretty embarrassing to get shot by somebody who ricocheted a bullet off of a shambling ceramic zombie menacing a tomato planter…
I have a couple of zombie garden gnomes, with a couple of assault-weapon bearing gnomes set up to hold them off.
Oh, somewhat related due to his gnome-usage in his Monster Hunter books, Larry Correia has a free short fiction up on Audible right now, read by Adam Baldwin. Supposed to be hilarious, but I haven’t listened to it yet. Still trying to finish up the bad-ass librarians. It’s free til June 21.
Wow, okay, I may have to go look that up.
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Owen taking a beat-down from the gnomes is one of the .. more memorable scenes .. of the series.
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Mew
It’s The Adventures of Tom Stranger, Interdimensional Insurance Agent. Sorry, I’d have linked it yesterday, except I was posting from an iDevice…
I have this friend who *loves* .. non-standard lawn art.
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I got him zombie flamingos for Christmas once .. said it was the best gift he got that year.
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Now I have to watch for a zombie lawn gnome.
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Mew
Amazon has an amazing variety now. Though this came up on the search, which may have to be purchased next time I get some free cash.
…Good Lord, it’s like there’s this entire novelty gnome sub-culture.