North American White Ahuitzotl.

Blame this.

North American White Ahuitzotl

General Appearance: The North American White Ahuitzotl (popular Ahuitzee) is a hybrid breed mixing the Golden Labrador Retriever with the classic Aztec Ahuitzotl. Ahuitzees are medium size dogs bred to combine the weather-resistant coats and good temperament of the Retriever and the prehensile tail and functional hands of the Ahuitzotl. With proper training, they make excellent gun and fishing dogs.

Size, Proportion and Substance: Size – The height at the withers should be between 20 and 21 inches for both sexes. Weight for both should range from 60 to 70 pounds. Particular care should be taken with any Ahuitzee under this height, or significantly over this weight: both are signs of atavistic throwback. Proportion – A sinuous, but not quite serpentine, build is desired for show dogs. Breeding or working dogs may have a blockier appearance. Substance – Under no circumstances should underweight Ahuitzees be displayed or permitted to compete. Report any encounter with one to the local Coast Guard or National Guard office.

Head: The head should resemble the classic Retriever’s, with of course the addition of the functional gill slits descending the neck (check for cracks or dryness). The Ahuitzee should also have working nictitating membranes on its eyes, be able to close its nostrils on command, and straight, even razor teeth. Ears should be short. An Ahuiztee should be able to imitate human voices on command, using the usual standard sounds (crying, laughing, calling for help, haunting singing, and requesting a treat).

Neck, Topline, Body: Neck – moderate. Report any Ahuitzee with a neck that could be described as ‘serpentine.’ Topline – straight and flexible. Body – moderate-sized. Barrel chested is a distinguishing feature of this breed. Tail – should be hairy, and the hand at the end should have well-defined, retractable claws.

Forequarters: The forepaws must be able to pick up a stick and place it in the Ahuitzee’s mouth in order to qualify. Judges are reminded that, as per the National Security Act of 1947, fully opposable thumbs on an Ahuitzee are an immediate disqualification and must be reported to federal authorities within 12 hours of the encounter.

Hindquarters: The legs should be powerful, slightly disproportionate for the size of the Ahuitzee, and fully webbed. The minimum height for a sitting jump by an Ahuitzee should be two feet.

Coat: The Ahuitzee coat should be dense, slick, and slightly oily to the touch.

Color: White is the recognized color of this breed. Under no circumstances should a black coat be allowed. Judges are reminded that they are required by federal law to check Ahuitzee entries for hair dye.

Temperament: A properly bred and socialized Ahuitzee is an invaluable hunting/fishing dog and companion. Its ideal disposition should be friendly, intelligent, and utterly disinterested in the taste of raw human flesh. The current generation of Ahuitzees, however, are not suitable for apartment or inland living.

Disqualifications: Atavistic throwback, malnourished appearance, serpentine neck, fully opposable thumbs, black fur, any attempt to eat human flesh, and knock knees.