This is easily one of the top five favorite characters that I have ever written up. He’s almost perfectly versatile.
Sparky
Balseraph Baron of Gremlins
Corporeal Forces: 4 Strength: 4 Agility: 12
Ethereal Forces: 5 Intelligence: 10 Precision: 10
Celestial Forces: 6 Will: 12 Perception: 12
Vessel (nervous-looking man)/2
Skills: Chemistry/1, Computer Programming/1, Dodge/6, Electronics/1, Emote/5, Knowledge (Accounting/3, Technology’s Organization/3, Would Vapula find THIS Idea Irresistible?/6), Ranged Weapons/1 (pistol), Running/3
Songs: Light (Celestial/3), Healing (All/2), Motion (Celestial/3), Shields (All/6)
Attunements: Balseraph of Technology, Technobabble, The Curse of Vapula, Word of Power, Baron of Gremlins
Relics: Whatever you want him to have. He’s the one who approves the budgets, after all.
In the grand, vast, whirring demented nightmare that is Technology, Sparky has the dubious pleasure of being the only sane one in the asylum. He didn’t precisely set out to become, bluntly, Vapula’s keeper, but he’s got it, and nobody else wants to take it away from him. Heck, he doesn’t even need a bodyguard – and that, considering the nature of Hell, says a lot.
Granted, he’s good at both the official and unofficial aspects of his job. Officially, Sparky’s supposed to just keep track of Technology’s budgets, watch over what little administration that’s managed to survive the perennial explosions, implosions, field reversals and general mayhem, and generally remind Vapula of his appointments. Unofficially, he’s the one that has to keep the Prince of Technology on track at least some of the time. That actually takes up most of his time. Over time, Sparky’s worked out precisely what will make Vapula drool and scamper with delight, and he does his best to arrange things so that the Prince somehow almost never manages to see them.
“Almost never” is the trick: Sparky’s predecessors always tried to completely cut Vapula off from the neat stuff, which never worked. The Baron’s wiser: if you let the Prince go wild every so often, he’ll actually be happier than if he had no restrictions at all. Thrill of pulling one over people, and all that: more to the point, Sparky would much rather have Vapula scheming how to slip something past his personal secretary than have Vapula wondering why he should even bother. Such musings never end well.
So far, it seems to be working, but that’s no guarantee. Plus, Sparky’s success in keeping Vapula’s eyes on the prize has actually worked against him: the other Princes cut the Baron no slack when Tartarus explodes, implodes, releases gravity waves, or generally disturbs the nap of Someone Important. Some of them do understand that Sparky can cajole and connive, but not control his Prince. It’s just that none of them care. The Baron has picked himself out of a wall on more than one occasion.
Personally, for a Balseraph, Sparky’s actually not too bad a guy (he doesn’t usually have time to be nasty). Most individuals on both sides of the War break things down to Good/Evil, Slave/Free, or Us/Them, but Sparky divides Creation into Isn’t Causing Me A Problem/Going to Eventually Result In Having Asmodeus Scream At Me. Those who fall in the first category are left strictly alone: those in the second will get their funding cut off permanently. Anybody that helps the Baron defuse a bad second-category problem (yes, even angels) will not find him ungrateful.