Item Seed: Creepify.exe.

Creepify – Google Docs

Creepify.exe

This free PC browser extension would be strictly mythical, except that it appears just a little too often for that to happen. Its exact form varies from incarnation to incarnation; the browser used and the type of files it processes is never the same twice. So far, the only computer type that a version will appear is the PC. This equally relieves and offends Apple-using occultists.

For roughly 99.999% of the population, the only thing that Creepify.exe does is take an e-book’s text and ‘creepifies’ it by adding scary adverbs at random, switching out innocuous adjectives for alarming ones, and replacing all the proper nouns with names and places that are considered to be more baroque and unsettling. Creepify.exe is a free app; which is good, because the end result is usually extremely stupid and sometimes not even comprehensible.  

But if you’re one of the .001% that comes across Creepify.exe… well, all the stories are anecdotal.  Supposedly, the translation process instead produces a book that is simultaneously deeply unsettling, and filled with all sorts of dark, esoteric wisdom.  Admittedly, it’s dark esoteric wisdom that’s heavily flavored by the original e-book text.  But power is power, even when it’s couched in the florid terms of a romance novel.  Note, however, the ‘anecdotal’ part: the people who are capable of going to Creepify.exe’s ‘next level’ and then do so tend not to last long.  Some just die. Some just disappear.  At least one more or less spontaneously combusted in public.  And, yeah, covering that up took some doing.

As a general rule of thumb: if you see Creepify.exe in an online store and it’s still there the next day, it’s not the ‘real’ one. The real one invariably gets removed within hours of being put in the store.  Nobody knows who puts it up, and who removes it.