I had no idea where this was going.
Sausage Protocols – Google Docs
The Sausage Protocols
Description: a standard cardboard accordion file, wrapped in elastic bands and bearing various stencils and imprints that place and date it to the US Army, circa 1936 or so. Interestingly, there are no classification stickers or warnings anywhere in the file; everything was stamped as being cleared for public dissemination at some point in 2007. There isn’t even any red tape or tabs.
It’s probably a fake, then: after all, the insides reveal a bunch of documents dating from 1921 to 2007, all of which purport to trace the evolution of a military alliance between the USA and the Celestial Republic of Hy Brasil (which, as a map in the file reveals, is an island as large as Texas, located halfway between California and Hawaii. It’s an impressive fake, given that there are pictures of Hy Brasil military units (which resemble anthropomorphic bears, but nice-looking ones), estimates of industrial capacity, paperwork that looks reasonably old enough; the whole shebang. But, yeah, fake.
Except that, should anybody check the sign-out sheet, they’ll discover that the last five people who did so in 2007 are all now high up in the US military hierarchy. Well, except for one general who retired. Call him up, and he’ll cheerfully tell you that it’s all actually true, not to worry about it; and also not to worry about the government cars following you around now. Just remember that, when people start glowing blue-green and the sky starts to spiral, that everything’s fine and you’ll almost certainly get through the Transition with no worries. Then he’ll hang up, and you’ll never get him on the phone again.
Oh, if you ask him beforehand why the file was named the Sausage Protocols, he’ll explain that Hy Brasilians like sausage. Don’t think about it too hard, though. It all makes sense, on the other side of the Transition.