I apparently have gotten better at dialogue, over the years. Go figure…
“Ralph Walters? You wanna know about the False Witness?” Old Chris hawked, and spat on the street. “That tell you enough?”
“Yeah, I guess it does.” I grimaced. “But how do I spell that?”
The cops had finally coughed up the name of the latest victim: one Ralph Grisham. Attorney: the kind who either ends up running for office or out of the country, depending on his opportunities. I had wandered on over to the deceased’s law offices to get a feel for the man. Starting with how he treated the people who weren’t his coworkers.
Judging from Old Chris — the guy running the newspaper stand — Ralph wasn’t exactly Mister Nice Guy. “He was a total bastard, let me tell you. The kind of guy who’d pay for a paper with a five dollar bill, then scowl if you didn’t have his change already ready. It’s because of him I got that sign up.” He pointed to a hand-written COINS ONLY FOR NEWSPAPERS sign taped to the wall behind him. Then, meditatively, he reached out and yanked it off. “Guess I don’t need that anymore.”
Wait. Is the corpse’s last name Walters or Grisham?
Also, it seems like we could use a bit more explanation for why he was called “the False Witness”. It wasn’t his newspaper-buying habits. I mean, I know you like tantalizing the audience, but I feel like the character he’s talking to wouldn’t bury the lede like that.
Walters. I must have missed one. And actually I covered the False Witness a few paragraphs later. And it’ll be a plot point generally. 🙂