I am suss*.

Disney is about to find out whether or not a concept that didn’t work as a movie will do better as a streaming show. Our trusted and proven sources tell us the House of Mouse is working on a John Carter reboot series for Disney+.

This seems like a strange move for Disney, particularly in light of recent months. Disney, like all of the other major studios who now own and operate major streaming platforms, has been canceling and cutting content as it struggles to figure out how to make its streaming service profitable.

I apparently am one of the few people in the world who liked JOHN CARTER, and I wouldn’t have quite believed this story even before the SAG-AFTRA strike. Now that we actually have the writers and the actors on strike, I’m more suspicious. I just don’t see where they’ve got the money to put together such a marginal project. …Which is a shame, but I can’t have everything. I deserve everything, but I can’t have it.

Moe Lane


*My kids don’t play Among Us so much as they watch stuff about Among Us. I find this confusing, but it’s their lives. It’s not like they’re viewing things that would give them bad habits, like smoking or espousing Communism.

6 thoughts on “A JOHN CARTER OF MARS series?”

  1. I also enjoyed the movie considerably. Plus the sound track; the track titles are very amusing.

    Alas, we definitely appear in the minority.

  2. No. Disney has already burned the last vestiges of goodwill I might have had. They have torn through a host of beloved IPs like Aztecs on Sacrifice Day. I didn’t mind the John Carter movie, though I didn’t think Taylor Kitsch was the right choice to play Carter. I love Lynn Collins, and she made a fantastic Dejah Thoris.

    But that was then, and this is now. Now Disney has the aura of failure and doom about them Everything they’ve touched in the last ten years or so is a heap of freshly heated raw sewage.

    They’re screw this up, and just to poop on the fans a little more, they’re looking to have another go at Firefly. Doom on them, I say. DOOM.

    1. Haven’t heard that Firefly bit, but judging by how they’ve tarred it’s legacy in print (The comics are beyond awful) the failure is already baked in.

  3. Add me as a “John Carter was amazing” position holder. Also, I approve of your disdain and hatred for communism. Oh that we could kill it by driving a hickory stake through the tomb of Lenin.
    I generally don’t like Andrew Jackson, but I think his hickory walking stick would be the perfect wooden spike with which to put down the ghost of communism. Oh that it were so simple.

  4. We’ve established that the current Disney ‘zeks would find any faithful retelling of the John Carter series to be “problematic”.
    We’ve established that the current Disney ‘zeks love nothing more than to piss all over beloved intellectual properties. (Unless it’s pushing deviant sexualities on children, or molesting the children unfortunate enough to star in their shows.)

  5. I enjoyed this film a great deal (I own a physical copy), but agree about the casting. For example, James Purefoy would have made a better John Carter and Taylor Kitsch would have made a good Kantos Kan.

    A series is doable: have a group of Heliumite counter-intelligence agents defending their city from Zodanga’s spies and sabotage with no green martians plus whatever guest appearances you can afford. Call it “Under the Moons of Mars”.

    Like I said, doable, but they won’t.

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