Item Seed: The Satchel of Capitaine Chanfrain.

Satchel of Capitaine Chanfrain – Google Docs

The Satchel of Capitaine Chanfrain

 

This cracking and stiff leather satchel has not seen the light of day since the CIA team sent to retrieve it pulled it out of a burning Phnom Penh residence in 1954.  It is unclear whether or not that team set the fire or was trying to put it out; it is certain that whoever did set the fire did so in order to kill one Capitaine Jacques Adam Chanfrain. Capitaine Chanfrain was ostensibly in Cambodia in his official capacity as an officer in the French air force; it is also unclear whether or not his notorious ties to the occult (Chanfrain often boasted that half of his male ancestors — and most of his female ones — had been burned at the stake as witches) was also ‘official.’ The French are extremely close-mouthed about their esoteric policy practices, and Chanfrain had precisely the kind of horrid private reputation one expects of magical experts that have been over-indulged by their government handlers. Very few people missed the man’s passing, although his grave has been dug up three times since 1996.

 

But back to the matter at hand.  The satchel contains three notebooks, all filled with Chanfrain’s small but ridiculously neat handwriting, and offers an invaluable primer on the basics of Southeast Asian magical practices.  At least, all of the nasty ones.  Chanfrain really was an expert, no question about that; he had the ability to deconstruct a spell or ritual and identify its various elements in ways that even a casual student of the occult could follow. He was also a thoroughly unpleasant man with about as much empathy as a razor blade, which makes his commentary on, say, Vietnamese demonological rituals fairly chilling. Interestingly, for the time period the notebooks are mostly free of racism and even patronization; Chanfrain seemed to be writing as much for his Cambodian peers as he was for his French ones.

 

That’s going to be a problem, if the notebooks ever see the light of day.  There is a serious conceptual gulf between Eastern black magic and Western black magic; simply put, it is difficult for acolytes in one evil magical tradition to use the spells and rituals of other evil magical traditions, as the basic assumptions and expectations are simply too different to incorporate easily.   Chanfrain’s work would be invaluable in bridging this gap, and black magical cults already have too much twisted power at hand as it is. There’s no reason to let them have more.

 

Fortunately, the Satchel is in a crate that got lost in fairly dramatic fashion: it first got sent to one of the CIA’s Laotian secret item depositories, and kept there for twenty years.  It’s officially destroyed now: the CIA thinks that it was lost in a plane crash in 1975, during the fall of South Vietnam. In reality, it had been misfiled as miscellaneous classified logistical documents and shipped to the USA a year before for evaluation and destruction.  As of 1993 (the last year on the paperwork), the crate that it was in was still listed as being present in an obscure American government documents warehouse.

Which means that it should be right over there… huh.  Well, that’s weird.

Item Seed: Hanomal.

Hanomal – Google Docs

Hanomal

This substance would be the Holy Grail — pardon the somewhat obscure half-pun — of social workers and policy planners everywhere, if only more of them believed in the objective existence of Evil. Evil as a tangible quality, that is.  As in, something that could be suppressed, via regular injections of Hanomal.

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Item Seed: The Sixth Cortes Relation Letter.

Sixth Cortes Relation Letter – Google Docs

The Sixth Cortes Relation Letter

 

This document purports to be a letter from Hernan Cortes to Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, dated February of 1538 AD, that summarizes and describes Cortes’s 1536 California expedition.  The letter was discovered in June of 2017 in a Madrid museum annex, as part of a box of documents that had been misfiled somehow after the death of Phillip II of Spain.  Analysis of the paper and ink indicates that the Sixth Letter is from that time period, and nothing about it is inconsistent or anachronistic for the time period.  If the Letter is a hoax, it’s a contemporary hoax.

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Item Seed: Mortar Chucks.

Believe me: I’m as appalled as you’re about to be.

Mortar Chucks – Google Docs

 

Mortar Chucks

 

History does not record the name of the genetic mage who first conceived of the idea of converting the common woodchuck into an area-effect, indirect fire weapon.  History would rather like to find out that name, but the mage had apparently (and very wisely) decided to cover his, her, its, or their tracks. While Mortar Chucks are not quite death-penalty level necromancy, it’s hard to imagine how the things could have been designed and tested without drawing on advanced death magic lore — which is to say, necromancy that does rate the death penalty.

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Item Seed: Mad Al’s Homemade Tank Guide.

Mad Al’s Homemade Tank Guide – Google Docs

Mad Al’s Homemade Tank Guide

This ‘book’ actually consists of a three-ring binder with about four hundred pages of fairly compact type and severely plain illustrations, separated (via colored cardstock pages) into ten chapters. There is no publishers’ information; and the contact information on the last page gives a PO Box located somewhere in “the Michigan Freedom Zone,” plus a set of CB and shortwave radio frequencies. Mad Al’s Guide gives off that unmistakable aura of being something from the 1980s, based on everything from the font, to the tone, and to the oddly surreal stock illustrations.

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Item Seed” Artifact # 20180105-BRA-23-17(b)

Blame this.

Artifact # 20180105-BRA-23-17(b) – Google Docs

Artifact # 20180105-BRA-23-17(b)

 

Description: a coat/overtunic, sized for an adult male between 5’3” and 5’6”.  The coat is made from natural plant fibers found in the Amazon river basin, and is fastened with a single sharpened wooden stick, thrust into on the left side.  The coat is covered with blue, orange, and green feathers, facing downward and woven into the plant fibers.  There is considerable water damage; the coat was taken off of the drowned corpse of a man found floating in a tributary of the Amazon. No identification or other artifacts were found on the corpse, but based on teeth, facial and body features, and general health at time of death he was likely a member of one of Brazil’s uncontacted tribes.

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Item seed: The Staff of Memphis.

Staff of Memphis – Google Docs

Staff of Memphis

(The Mesmeric Phrenological Induction Stimulator)

([MEMPHIS])

 

Typically called “The Staff of Memphis,” this fine piece of Victorian pseudo-engineering combines the dubious theories of mesmerism with the dubious practices of phrenology to create a highly dubious, but frustratingly functional, short-range mental dominator.  To use, simply point the Staff of Memphis — ah, the “Mesmeric Phrenological Induction Stimulator” — at the victim, concentrate on the emotion that one wishes to induce, and the gem on the Staff will focus a mesmeric ray that can be trained upon the portion of the brain that governs that emotion.  There’s even a faint green glow as the gem does its work.

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Item Seed: Ghost Coins

Ghost Coins – Google Docs

Ghost Coins

 

Many kinds of magic withered and died in the 20th Century; Ghost Coins, in contrast, blossomed in power. It’s one of those ‘power in contradiction’ things; it used to be that even when a nation fell apart its coinage would still have some inherent value. After all, a Byzantine gold solidus still had precisely the same amount of gold in it the day after Constantinople finally fell as it did the day before.  But with the rise of paper money and coins made out of non-precious metal, well, once the country was gone then so was the value.

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Item Seed: Red Carpet Fragment #17.

Red Carpet Fragment #17 – Google Docs

 

Red Carpet Fragment #17

 

This artifact consists of a woven piece of wool, one foot by two feet, dyed red. Legend and carbon dating both date the Carpet at about BC 1300-1200; further legend indicates that this was a piece of the carpet spread before Agamemnon by Clytemnestra, upon his return to Greece.  There is currently no materialist way to determine the accuracy of that, but metaphysical probes suggest at least a strong symbolic link between the Carpet and that event.

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Item Seed: Brane Food.

Brane Food – Google Docs

Brane Food

 

This unsubtle assassination tool is banned in most planes of existence for being remarkably indiscriminate. Brane Food is essentially a magically mutated form of the cashew apple that has been further been manipulated in space-time until it’s just plain wrong. Then it gets steeped in a pool of evil for a week or two.  When it starts to bubble and look for a victim, congratulations; the Brane Food is ready.

 

Brane Food works by being frighteningly appealing to human brains.  Extremely so.  So extremely so that the brain will itself attempt to break through its own skull and ‘attack’ the Brane Food.  This, of course, never actually happens except under the highest of magical background levels; which is good, because the sight of a disembodied brain flopping around with two eyestalks while trying to crawl to its quarry is a sight that most people don’t want in their heads.

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