And no doubt unicorn rides, seeing as the third is just as likely to happen as the first two.
In case you’re wondering, this call is due to the announcement that census worker Bill Sparkman killed himself for the insurance money (H/T: R.S. McCain) – which means that he was not murdered by conservative monsters from the id, or murdered for ideological purposes – or, in fact, was murdered at all. I’m sure that this would be an embarrassment for everyone on the Other Side who flogged this particular narrative, except this would imply that they cared about Sparkman in the first place. Which they didn’t, so expect a grudging bare minimum, at best.
PS: For the record: when you try to set up your suicide to make it look like you’ve been murdered by your ideological opponents, you have officially abrogated any obligation for me to be upset at your plight.
Crossposted to RedState.