My buddy Ben Domenech, trying to explain to a bemused GQ about how utterly useless this election was all around:
GQ: What the f*ck did we just do for the last year?
BD: Twelve minutes and two states. That’s what Mitt Romney and the Republicans got after Americans put in billions of dollars, millions of hours, thousands of signs, hundreds of rallies, and dozens of gaffes: two more states than John McCain, and twelve more minutes before the media called the election. The White House belongs to the Democrats, the governorships belong to the Republicans, the Congress is divided, and everything else in Washington pretty much stayed the same, too. This was the Red Queen’s race, a death race between which out-of-touch technocrat we wanted running things, sprinting like mad just to stand still. We could’ve just kept our money and flipped a coin. Maybe Alexander Hamilton was right when he wanted to make George Washington a king—Bill Clinton would still be ruling the land with a grin and a laugh, surrounded by palm frond-waving interns. I hope you’re happy, America.
And Ben and I are being cheerful about this. Well, more cheerful than a lot of folks, including the ones on the Other Side who discovered today that they get to have Four! More! Years! of explaining why things like today’s race between the CIA and the post-election Dow Jones Average to see which could melt down first is really everything that they hoped and dreamed of, uh-huh, no fooling. This isn’t our first time at the rodeo, and we’re both serenely aware that the Democratic party is just as capable and eager to belly-flop onto jagged rocks as the Republican party is. Hell, we even have some of the 2006/8 Bumper Crop of Crazy back in Congress to play with. But this is a hell of a way to run a railroad.
L’chaim! – Oh, yeah, thanks for giving your Jewish support a couple of good, swift kicks at the join, Democrats. That’s gonna be really handy in 2014.