Item Seed: Cookies of Doom.

Cookies of Doom – Google Docs

Cookies of Doom


Description: superficially resembles a standard ‘bean bag’ shotgun round.  The major difference is that, when in flight, the round expands to a three-inch chocolate chip cookie.  The cookie is edible, moist, and delicious.

Cookies of Doom may be silly.  But Cookies of Doom also work.  Somebody gets hit with one of these things, he falls down, sure — but they don’t break bones or even cartilage.  At least one person has gotten hit in the face with a Cookie of Doom and didn’t even get a bruise. It’s also a good deal less painful than expected.  Plus, of course, there is a cookie afterwards; it’s considered a major faux pas to not let the person who got shot get the cookie. Nobody knows when this became a consensus, but it is one, and that’s the end of it.


Cookies of Doom are not available to police departments; they are available to people who work in police departments.  The people who have them never seem to have more on hand than they need at the moment, but they do seem to always have enough for their needs; and it has not gone unnoticed that the wielders of the Cookies of Doom have clean disciplinary records and a positive reputation in the local community.  New wielders of the Cookies typically show up in January, too.


Fancy that.

1 Comment

  • Rockphed says:

    Unlike the (possibly) related “ELVES” rounds, I think these sound awesome. Non-lethal ammunition that both subdues suspects and convinces them to stay still for a few moments so the police can talk to them? Yes please!

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