2006 Chrysler Apocalypse
Description: Picture a gun-metal grey SUV with six solid wheels, dedicated hardpoints on the sides, an empty turret on top, and a space for a rear gunner. The ‘windows’ are metal with vision slits, the vehicle itself is immune to machine gun fire, and it seats ten fairly uncomfortably. Length: 15 feet. Weight: 10 tons. Top speed: 30 mph.
No, really. There are entire underground warehouses full of these things. Apparently Chrysler made about ten thousand Apocalypses in 2006, only to then put them into long-term storage. If there’s anybody who knows why, they’re no longer working at the company. In fact, nobody’s really sure who first signed off on making the Apocalypses. People remember doing the production run, to be sure: it took a month to switch over, it was a hassle, but the orders came from somewhere, so the cars got made. After that, the production line got switched over again and then everyone involved got a nice little bonus next pay period.
As to the Apocalypses themselves; they are admittedly impressively, and even brutally, simple in their design and operation. The engine can be easily converted to run on kerosine or ethyl alcohol, and features a remarkable lack of moving parts. This philosophy extends to the rest of the vehicle, from top to bottom. A Chrysler Apocalypse can be maintained or repaired effectively and indefinitely in low tech conditions — including, say, those ‘enjoyed’ by hardscrabble mechanics just trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic blasted wasteland. The Apocalypse’s aesthetic fits such a milieu, too, to the point where anyone who looks at the vehicle for too long will start subconsciously noting where to put the skulls.
Which makes it no doubt interesting why the Chrysler company decided to make ten thousand of these babies. Precognition? A failed interdimensional trade deal? Somebody watched Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome one too many times? Nobody knows. Nobody also knows just who to talk to in order to purchase one of these, either. Because there are rich people out there who really want to buy one. Or, hey, just steal one if Fiat Chrysler Automobiles won’t start being reasonable about reducing their inventory.
That last line includes an interesting question of its own. Namely, why might Fiat Chrysler be unreasonable about reducing its inventory of the vehicles?
Having built assembly lines, switching over to the Apocalypse from just about any other model would be extremely expensive, take a good 6 months, and not really be worth anyone’s time.
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Unless we are only talking about the final assembly. That could probably be done the way you describe. For everything else, the project probably started in 1993. Chrysler probably ordered small part runs from a half dozen suppliers without actually telling said suppliers what the end product was. Part runs lasted for 10 years, which is pretty standard. The chassis was probably adapted from either a long pickup truck or SUV. Everything was probably packed into the same underground warehouse that the finished units currently occupy until final assembly was ready for them.
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What worries me is that Chrysler was always the stupid carmaker. This was either a legacy project made by American Motors, or Ford and GM also have fleets of post apocalypse vehicles sitting in warehouses in preparation for doomsday. My money is on legacy project that gets repeated every 20 years due to bureaucratic inertia. Hopefully Fiat Chrysler hasn’t slimmed down too much.
See, that’s the beauty of stuff like this: the more you know, the weirder/darker/scarier this scenario gets. The GM doesn’t have to ramp up the dramatic reveal, because you just did it for him! — And, if nobody at the table knows anything about (in this case) assembly lines, it won’t actually hurt the scenario. 🙂