Feb
25
2020

Look at This Guy, screwing it up for other secret boat owners from Brooklyn .

This is going around, usually accompanied by ruefully shaken heads. Which is a fair response. Witness this amazing feat of dumbassery, in the wild and completely natural!

How is this dumb? Let me count the ways:

  • First off: you think that the wife doesn’t know about the boat, chum? You really think that? No, you don’t: you’re worried that the wife knows about the boat, and she’s saving that knowledge for a special occasion*. Which may be as soon as she reads this article, hey?
  • Second. Maybe she doesn’t know about the boat. Okay. Or maybe she didn’t put two and two together and have it come out equal to ‘boat’ until now. You know the first rule about keeping your mouth shut? …Exactly. You’re not anonymous here, bub. Your wife knows how you talk. She’ll figure it out.
  • Third, and last, what makes this anonymous quote such a dumbass move is how you screwed over a bunch of people you don’t even know, neighbor. Somebody in responses to that tweet pointed it out: all over Brooklyn, wives are looking at their husbands and going “So. You own a boat, huh? When were you gonna tell your wife about it?” And some of those husbands would curse your name, except of course that they don’t know it. All they know is that you screwed up what they had going on.

In short, dude: what was your victory condition? What were you trying to get out of this? Because unless it was ‘Watch Brooklyn burn,’ I don’t think you’re gonna succeed here.

Moe Lane

*Let me make it clear, by the way: you try to hide your boat from your wife, you deserve any crap she dumps on your head when she finds out. A wife is your helpmeet, mother of your children, and your partner against the world; while, and to quote the sage, a boat is a hole in the water into which you pour money. It’s not actual adultery**, sure, but it’s not healthy, smart, or really all that loving to hide that much money from your wife.

**Unless you’re [expletive deleted] the boat, of course. And if you’re [expletive deleted] the boat, I don’t wanna know.

Written by in: Not-politics | Tags:
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6 Comments

  • JustDave says:

    > It’s not actual adultery

    .

    Yeah, the first thought after “he’s got a boat?!” is gonna be, “who’s he going out in it with?”. It may not be adultery per se, but it certainly is diagnostic of other shenanigans lurking in the shadows.

    • Moe_Lane says:

      Yeah, it’s not so much the boat as the fact that he’s hiding it. That can be, as you say, diagnostic. Mind you, it’s also not the same as those situations in every marriage where it’s tacitly understood that people need to have a little private space where outside stuff doesn’t intrude.

  • Phil Smith says:

    She knows the money is going missing; she knows he’s going missing; so either she knows about the boat or she thinks he has a side piece. The cynic in me says that she has a side piece of her own, and takes advantage of his absences to get her ashes hauled.

  • Luke says:

    On the bright side, boats *can* be less temperamental.
    (But I believe the sea more than makes up the difference.)

  • Rockphed says:

    I think the only time keeping a secret from your spouse is okay is when it is a present. Maybe he got a really good deal on the boat because it had burned down to the waterline and he is rebuilding it as a birthday present.
    .
    Yeah, I don’t buy it. He’s just a moron who is underestimating his wife and deserves whatever is about to come his way.

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