Thus do I refute Marcotte: ‘Mess of Fried Cabbage With Onions And Bacon.’

So against my better judgement…

…I clicked through to the aforementioned Marcotte article. Having managed – barely – to avoid losing any brain cells (always a risk when you read an Amanda Marcotte article), I’d thought I’d pass along the home-cooked meal that I came up with today.

Mess of Fried Cabbage With Onions And Bacon.

Ingredients: cabbage, onion, bacon, lemon pepper, salt, maybe some oil.

This is going take some time, so get your iPod handy. I had Sheena’s Cloud Cuckoo Land synced up on this AmazonBasics Portable Bluetooth Speaker, so I had tunes and to spare.

First, get your big cast iron frying pan, heat it up to medium, and fry that bacon up.  Don’t worry about making it neat: it’s gonna be cooking for a while.

Chop up your cabbage.  Stick it in a microwavable bowl with a lid.  You probably won’t need the whole thing.

Chop up your onion.  You’ll use the whole onion (if it’s small, you’ll need a couple).  Salt it good.

How’s the bacon?  OK, shove it around the pan for a while.

Keep hiding from the kids.  No screaming: Mom’s clearly got the whole thing under control.

Bacon?  Not yet fully cooked, but not yet raw? Excellent.  Yank it, drop it on the cutting board, cut it up.  Toss it back into the pan, turn up the heat.

Now is the time for the onions.  If you’re using organic, free-range, foodie kind of bacon (it was an experiment) it apparently doesn’t produce the necessary grease that proper bacon does, so you’re probably going to have to dump that oil in there a little.  Drop in the oil, the onions, and then mix that stuff around.

Poke at it every so often.  Get the onions started on the cooking process.  You don’t want them burning, so no sitcom episode watching.

Once the onions are starting to get to the place that you want them to be, go take your cabbage and microwave it for about three minutes.  Cover it so that it’ll steam properly.

Poke the onions and bacon some more.

Cabbage done?  Good.  Dump it on the onions and bacon.   Lemon pepper and salt that bad boy.  Add whatever the heck you also like.

Now you just sit around and rotate the stuff every so often until it looks like something you’d eat, assuming that you like fried cabbage and onions and bacon in the first place.  Probably about ten minutes or so.

Eat it how you like.  My wife grabbed some leftover rice, ate it over that: I wrapped mine in a bunch of soft tortillas.  Either way, tasty.

…and, more to the point? It was dinner, not a goram political statement. Not everything has to be, you know.  And I didn’t feel particularly oppressed doing it, either.

Moe Lane

6 thoughts on “Thus do I refute Marcotte: ‘Mess of Fried Cabbage With Onions And Bacon.’”

  1. Dang. That sounds surprisingly good.
     
    I’ll bet it gives rise to one hell of a belch afterward, though.

      1. I’ll have to try adding those, next time. And I am not even remotely surprised to hear that somebody else has said Hey, I should take this bacon, cook it up, then fry some onions and cabbage in the grease in the past. In fact, I’d kind of worry if nobody had. 🙂

  2. Part of me wants to click on that link. But I figure I just have to type the words “patriarchy”, “oppression” and “right wingers” and pretty much have read Ms. Daddy Issues’ article.

    1. Yeah, and I think she was being more than a little sexist too. When I was growing up, my dad did a lot of the cooking (he worked in the restaurant business for over 20 years). My mom wasn’t oppressing my dad, nor was my dad oppressing my mom.

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