elritch-fine-fashions-google-docs
Elritch Fine Fashions
The corporate management of Elritch Fine Fashions would like to assure its regular customers that the persistent rumors about the company are absolutely false, not to mention scurrilous and mendacious. It is, of course, true that the Elritch family has been involved in the English clothing trade since the Elizabethan era, when Martin the Elritch first used his connections to Walsingham and Dee in order to acquire the prerogative of providing official garments for various Crown and Court rituals. And it is also true that the American branch of the family relocated from Salem to Providence in some haste, back at the end of the 17th century. It is even true that both branches of the family worked with both the SOE and the OSS to play a patriotic, yet still obscure, role in World War II.
But that was all decades ago. Today Elritch Fine Fashions is a multi-national clothing company with offices in London, Providence, and Beijing, and shops in most major Western metropolises. And those shops sell perfectly mundane, albeit high-end clothes for both men and women. True, unlike other clothing shops each Elritch’s happens to have an onsite tailor who can create bespoke clothing, using whatever fabric the customer provides. But that’s traditional, just like the company’s policy of being reasonable about accepting particular goods and services in lieu of cash (from favored customers, of course). As the American sales staff tell people, it’s a British thing. True, the British staffers tell people that it’s an American thing, but that’s just a quirk of the company.
And finally – remember, Corporate wishes to make this absolutely clear – there is no evidence whatsoever that if you go to an Elritch store after hours (specifically, at least one hour after closing time), knock on the door three times (with the left hand), and ritually say the phrase
Elritch-man,
Let me in!
I come to shop:
I bear no sin!
…the door will open, and you will then be permitted to peruse the shop’s (rumored) stock of enchanted and magical clothing, suitable for ritual magic workings and a discreet amount of esoteric protection. There is absolutely no evidence for any of that happening whatsoever. Or that you could possibly use your Elritch discount rewards card to get an additional 10% off the weekly sales…