For the life of me, I can’t remember the Twitter post that sparked this. Sorry.
gladiolus-laurentii-google-docs
Gladiolus Laurentii
This hardy perennial is known for its beautiful blue-and-white flowers, restful scent (slightly reminiscent of sandalwood), and ability to be wielded as if it were a razor-sharp broadsword at need (OK, not everybody knows about that one) . To activate, firmly but sorrowfully grasp the flower at the base of the stem and intone the following: “Remitte mihi opus est.” Supposedly, if you are not an irredeemably evil entity the Gladiolus Laurentii will then detach from the soil with a faint cry of “Deus vult!” and will serve as a standard broadsword with a thrusting tip until either you or your enemies are dead, or fled. Note, by the way, that doing this Will Attract Notice. You Have Been Warned. And You Have Just Volunteered, Too.
And if you are an irredeemably evil entity? Well, the Gladiolus Laurentii will then do its absolute best to blow your hand off. As the explosion is precisely like a hand grenade going off in one’s hand, it may very well do precisely that.