101 Classic Insults in Helltongue – Google Docs
101 Classic Insults in Helltongue
This handsome leather-bound work runs to about 220 pages, has no printer information, and incorporates illustrations that force the average human reader to blank out the pictures in sheer neurological self-defense. That last bit tends to encourage people to believe that 101 Classic Insults in Helltongue is in fact ‘real,’ given the rather obvious reality-warping going on. Given that the rest of the book features lengthy phonetic transcriptions and short translations of what sound like fairly bizarre statements (“Your brood-mate cleans its horns with second-rate bone sand,” that sort of thing), it’s likely that dilettantes wouldn’t bother with the book otherwise. There’s also a section which earnestly assures the reader that showing dominance over spirits via the use of ritual insults is a time-tested way to safely summon demons.
Needless to say, 101 Classic Insults in Helltongue is in fact an Infernal artifact, although it doesn’t actually accurately reproduce Helltongue insults; at least, insults that are directed at demons. What that referenced phonetic transcription above actually translates to is “I am a very stupid human who cannot understand metaphysical power discrepancies.” A trained practical demonologist (one who actually speaks Helltongue) would know this immediately, but a trained demonologist is the sort of person who typically enjoys watching potential rivals look like fools. Besides, this book serves a practical purpose: any demon who hears one of its ‘insults’ knows to go get a specialist in the fields of Field Damnation and Infernal Pacts, because there’s a fresh sucker on the line.
And the demon will cheerfully go get that specialist, because there’s typically a decent finder’s fee for connecting the specialist and the sucker. Don’t ask what that reward is, by the way. It’s guaranteed that the answer will cause more targeted neurological shutdowns.