Once upon a time, there was a contest on the In Nomine List to come up with the single most horrifying and horrible Demon Prince that we could possibly think of. Something… foul, and squicky. Something thoroughly vile.
This was my entry.
Daisy
Habbalite Archangel of Cheerfulness
The world is just so sweet and lovely that I could just hug it and hug it forever! It’s full of puppies, and pretty flowers, and fuzzy sweaters, and oh, all sorts of fun-fun things! Of course, there’s a lot of icky nasty-poo things too, like bugs and frowns, and smelly old people, but we’ll get rid of them all, and then we can all get together and sing happy songs for the rest of eternity!
Don’t you think that’s just swell?!?
I knew you would…
Lucifer has never been known for fighting clean, but really, there is such a thing as going too far.
The Seraphim Council was appalled. The Princes were appalled. Just about every celestial not in Limbo or contemplating his or her Heart was appalled. Heck, some Remnants were appalled, and they’re not even really capable of understanding why. And that was just when they got the news that Daisy was made a Princess.
When they found out how effective she really was, well, that’s when they started getting nervous.
Dissonance
Yup, you guessed it: frowns, grumpy behavior, and negative vibes are all grounds for dissonance. So is tolerating it in others. What makes this truly terrifying is that Daisy has added a wrinkle to her dissonance conditions: you see, Discord that results from it in part or full is never, ever randomly determined (see below).
Organization
Daisy runs a tight ship, and her Servitors work together without a hint of disobedience, backstabbing, or pique. After all, those that exhibit that sort of behavior aren’t very
Cheerful, are they? What makes it disquieting is that, after a while, her Servitors seem to implicitly agree. Demons of Cheerfulness act as one unit. Not “act as one unit, for demons:” they back each other up, avoid cliques and factions, and generally regulate their behavior in a way that some angelic organizations only hope to emulate.
This alone would make them seem unnatural to the rest of Hell, but the way they act towards Servitors of other Words is even worse. They smile all the time. They never get mad: not even Calabim or Habbalah, which should be enough to make any intelligent entity nervous. They never, ever try to steal somebody else’s credit, or foist blame off on someone else. Superficially, they’re not really demonic at all.
But if you catch one at an unguarded moment, and manage to ignore that damned rictus of a smile to look in his eyes, sometimes you’ll see a true demon looking back at you — and he looks scared, and helpless, and utterly powerless to stop the inane prattle coming out of his mouth. It doesn’t last very long, and soon the look will disappear, but prudent demons note this, and stay far away from Servitors of Cheerfulness.
Choir Attunements
Yes, “Choir”. Daisy is a Habbalite, remember. Archangels have Choirs, after all. Giving out Band Attunements would be just silly. She wants the poor dears to relearn how to be angels, and reinforcement is always good. Daisy is a big believer in reinforcement.
Seraphim (restricted)
Balseraphs of Cheerfulness get a +4 to detect any lie uttered in their presence, or to resist another Balseraph’s resonance. They can’t tell the level of the lie, or what the Truth actually is, but Daisy’s sure that they’ll get the hang of it.
Cherubim (restricted)
Djinn of Cheerfulness have a tough time of it, but Daisy understands their difficulty in caring for others. She grants them the equivalent of Emote/6 to act like they care: Daisy’s sure that this will get them into the habit of empathy eventually.
Ofanim (restricted)
Those Calabim that serve Daisy get to double their normal speed by spending two Essence: this bonus lasts for ten minutes, and will allow the Calabim to attack twice each combat turn. However, a Calabim of Cheerfulness must take its beginning Discord from one of the types listed below, as well as for all further Discord accumulated.
Elohim
Daisy has very, very strict standards for her fellow Habbalah: they’re expected to understand that, just because humanity is obviously unsuited for God’s grace, He’s such an old softy that he can’t help loving the pitiful wretches anyway. To aid them in their task, they get to automatically detect sad or depressed emotions, and get to instill Cheerfulness in them. Cheerful people are artificially happy and gleeful for a number of hours equal to the demon’s Corporeal forces. Unfortunately, during that time, they require Perception rolls to notice danger or Will rolls to do anything about it. The sensation also happens to be fiercely addictive in humans: treat as a Very Addictive drug with Tough withdrawal (one week) (see p. 124 of the Corporeal Player’s Guide for details on addiction). Eventually, the addict will figure out how to duplicate the sensation on his own, just before they go into a permanent coma.
Many other Servitors of Cheerfulness have this Attunement. Daisy has apparently worked out a method to allow any of her Servitors to impose Cheerfulness on others, and Cheerfulness only.
Malakim (Restricted)
Daisy seems to have difficulties distinguishing between Malakim and Lilim. Her Tempters get to determine whether a given person is likely to keep his or her promises on a Perception roll.
Kyriotates (Restricted)
Shedim of Cheerfulness may, by spending 2 Essence, designate a human as an alternate host. For the next day, they can switch to that host automatically and at will — no resonance roll, no delay — and take complete possession of him or her, as long as the human is within range (about a mile). The Shedite can designate a maximum number of alternate hosts equal to its Corporeal Forces. Dissonance requirements remain unchanged: note that the Shedite must automatically convert any dissonance gained in this way into the Discords listed below.
Mercurians (Restricted)
Impudites of Cheerfulness may determine the favorite person of a human they’ve Charmed by making a Perception roll. Impudites tend to be the sanest of Daisy’s Servitors, and a few of them are even starting to realize the particular Hell that they’ve signed up for.
Servitor Attunements
Infectious Smile
This isn’t really understood to be a Servitor Attunement, per se: Daisy’s being a little sneaky about it. Essentially, a demon with this Attunement and one of the Discords listed below infects anyone upon whom she uses her resonance, or on anyone who uses a resonance on her. The next time (within a week) that the infected person acquires dissonance, he or she must make a Will Roll at -2 or be forced to eventually convert it into the Discords listed below.
Humans that are infected by this are, obviously, not subject to dissonance — but that just means that they become carriers. For up to a year after a human has been infected, any attempt by any celestial to use a resonance on the infected mortal will have the same effect. The Will Roll in this case is at +4, but only if the celestial knows that the human has been infected!
Many celestials have their suspicions about the first half of this Attunement, but nobody knows yet about the second. When they do, Daisy will be in more trouble than Legion ever hoped of being — but by then, it just might be too late.
All Servitors of Cheerfulness must take this Attunement upon character creation (and it’s advised that the second part be a surprise, even to them).
Happy Shiny People, Holding Hands
Demons with this Attunement can make anyone who isn’t insipidly cheerful feel guilty about it. This usually results in situations where everybody is grimly smiling, each despairingly certain that he or she is the only one who isn’t having a good time. This also happens to be good for large amounts of resentment, later.
Distinctions
Vassal of Sunshine
When a demon gets to this point, it’s going to be impossible to ever salvage him. They are perpetually cheerful, vacuous, and bubbly. They are also now immune to pain, discomfort, and attempts to impose negative emotions on them.
Friend of Everybody
Any group of two or more humans reacts to the demon at +2. Nobody actually likes the demon, mind, but everyone thinks that everybody else does, so they don’t want to look like miserable bastards by being rude to the annoying pile of fluff in front of them.
Master of Turning That Smile Upside Down
More like “Master of Causing Someone to Shut Down Their Higher Brain Functions,” actually. Demons with this Distinction can, once per day, turn any human with a Will less than 6 into a happy, prattling idiot who thinks everything is just wonderful. The effects last for about a day, but repeated uses of this ability on the same person can cause brain damage, if the demon isn’t careful. Most aren’t; from their point of view, the human’s brains were getting in the way of their Cheerfulness, anyway.
Relations
Daisy drives her peers mad. Some still work with her, because she’s frighteningly good at sponsoring the ideals of Hell without realizing it, and her Servitors can simulate angelic behavior (for a while, anyway), but everybody hates her. Granted, no Demon Prince actually likes any of the others much, but they all agree that Daisy is deserving of only the finest loathing. It’s not helped by the fact that Daisy quite likes some of them, and never holds the fact that they’re all mean, grumpy old rebels against God against them at all.
No, never.
Well, hardly ever.
Allied: none who will admit to it
Associated: Beleth, Kronos, Malphas, Nybbas (Daisy treats everybody as Associated)
Neutral: Asmodeus, Baal, Haagenti, Kobal, Saminga
Enemy: Andrealphus, Belial, Lilith, Vapula
Andrealphus: “Keep her away from me. Keep her Servitors away from me. I may not have any morals, but I most assuredly have standards. Admittedly, after a bout with one of her ‘angels,’ people are ready to do anything to get that sickly sweet taste out of their mouths, but that doesn’t mean that I have to endure her company for any longer than I have to.” “Ooh, that naughty Andre! Always doing those nasty S-E-X things. Why do any of that when you can have a nice rousing sing-along, instead?”
Asmodeus: “Lucifer has changed the Rules again. Watching how the other players react is engrossing. Other than that, Daisy is so insipid that her moves are barely worth countering.” “There’s a lot of Dismal Dans here, and he mopes more than the rest of them. Nobody wants to play with him, and that just makes him all gloomy-doomy inside. I know he’s difficult, but if you just showed that old celestial spirit, I’m sure that Mody’d cheer right up.”
Baal: “The only thing that saves Daisy from immediate obliteration is that her Servitors are even more annoying to our enemies than they are to us. Keep them on Earth, where they belong, and keep them far away from my campaigns.” “Baal-wall-fo-fall, Ba-al! I’m so sorry, but I just love that song. Don’t you? Baal’s at least out there getting exercise, and not cooped up in Hell all day like a worrywart. He’s got to stop roughhousing so much with Mikey, though. It’s all in fun until someone loses an vessel.”
Beleth: “I’m not used to people running to nightmares for relief, but it is — fitting, somehow. If I have to listen to one more helpful dating suggestion, though, I’ll start killing her Servitors myself.” “Scary stories are fun, but they shouldn’t interfere with a good night’s sleep. Well, maybe once in a while, but only if you make sure to take a nice nappy-wappy the next day.”
Belial: “Servitors of Cheerfulness burn real nice. I wonder if she does, too. Baal won’t let me do it yet, but I’ll wear him down eventually.” “Nobody likes a greedy Gus. Shame on him for trying to put Gabby out of work. He should march right up to her and apologize.”
Haagenti: “She likes to cook. Just don’t listen to her while she’s serving up dinner.” “You never have to tell him to clean his plate: if only he wouldn’t eat it. Remember, everyone, don’t get grabby. You wouldn’t want to end up all roly-poly like Uncle ‘Genti, would you?”
Kobal: “She thinks that she has a sense of humor, and that just proves that she really is a Habbalite. It’s a good Joke that Lucifer’s pulled, but shouldn’t we have had the punch line by now?” “I told him the joke about the chicken and the road, but he didn’t laugh. <sigh> I guess that’s why God didn’t make me Archangel of Laughter. I do wish that he didn’t use such nasty language, though: having a dirty-mouth isn’t very fun-fun.”
Kronos: “The fact that she is personally, deeply offensive, and quite mad besides, is beside the point. The point is that her mere existence demonstrates that good is an illusion sculpted by frightened children to block out the truth. The example of her and her insipid followers will be of use to our cause.” “Poor Kronos: always frowning, never smiling, never even whistles. I’m sure that, if he just shook off Mr. Grumpy, he’d be whistling a storm with the best of them. We should all pitch in and help him out, especially with his paperwork. I know paperwork isn’t very cheerful, but if everybody helped, his archives would be all sorted out in no time.”
Lilith: “Screw it: I don’t care that she’s effective. She’s bad news for us, maybe bad news for everybody. Have you seen what happens to a demon that works for her too long? I’ve been hearing rumors that The Other Side is getting antsy, too: some weird things are going on, and they’re starting to react to them. We have got to stop thinking short-term.” “Isn’t she the sweetest little thing? Why, looking at her, you’d almost never believe that she was originally human. It just goes to show, everybody should do their best to transcend their limitations: it doesn’t matter that you can’t, it just matters that you try your very, very best.”
Malphas: “She doesn’t understand at all, but Daisy is helping humans understand, so I can hold my noses and work with her. Preferably, as far away as I can manage.” “He may sit around all grumpy-dumpy, but at least he doesn’t seem to mind when I try to Cheer him up. I think he secretly likes it when we try to include him in things. I really do.”
Nybbas: “Humanity’s eating up what Daisy serves with a spoon and asks for more. It’s doing great things to some of my numbers. Others have taken a nosedive, but that’s the market for you. You have to respect a player’s moves, even if you can’t respect the player herself.” “Such bad nasty-stuff on the television and on the computer these days, nasty-nasty words and people doing S-E-X things. Why can’t there be more good-good things, like shows on kittens and puppies? I don’t even want to think about music videos: give me a happy-happy person singing ‘On Top of Old Smoky’ any old day.”
Saminga: “Corpses are already cheerful: they grin all the time, at least. She has a knack for encouraging suicides, so I suppose she’s good for something.” “All that icky, nasty dead and dying people and dirt and spiders isn’t very nice-nice at all. Decent people should just pretend that none of it happens. Still, Saminga doesn’t seem to mind it at all, and he’s really funny and interesting underneath.”
Valefor: “She’s stolen the ideals of Heaven and turned them into an absurdity. I respect that. She’s also completely insane, and more dangerous than the rest think. More dangerous to everybody, I suspect.” “Pooh. Stealing people’s things makes them cry, and crying is bad when the reason’s sad. He needs a talking-to.”
Vapula: “She actually had the nerve to suggest that I was going down the wrong path. I had such hopes in actually having someone that could comprehend my vision, too.” “What a silly-Willie he is. All this poking and prodding doesn’t seem to me like serving God. Vappie should just trust that God will tell him if he isn’t doing things right. That’s what I do. “
The Host has their own opinions, too, and they aren’t too flattering. Even Novalis is on the record as showing enmity. — well, actually, she just frowned and said “Oh, dear.” In Flowery terms, that’s the equivalent of arranging to have a horse’s head and a flame-shaped dagger placed in Daisy’s bed.
Role in the War
Daisy barely recognizes that there actually is a War: at least, that’s what everybody else thinks, and they’ve got decent empirical evidence to back up their opinion. Her Servitors mostly run around, trying to make everyone Cheerful, with no thought to anyone else’s schemes or plots.
Hell has actually managed to capitalize on this by not-too-subtly directing Servitors of Cheerfulness to areas with a strong angelic presence. The Host despises Daisy and all her works, and slaughtering her Servitors is too strong a temptation to pass up. This distracts Heaven, makes them look bad, and keeps Daisy’s people out of Hell’s way.
It’s a nice plan, but unfortunately, this means that the only people likely to realize just how dangerous to the status quo the Princess is all work for Heaven. Daisy’s Servitors are busily infecting half of Hell, and nobody’s taken any steps to prevent it. Nobody realizes that there’s a problem to prevent. They will, very soon, when the Discords mount, and when the first cases appear among demons that have had no direct contact with Servitors of Cheerfulness at all, but by then the situation will grown past being a problem and become a plague. In the old “one-third to half of the affected population are walking dead men” sense of the word.
On the bright side, Heaven will be little better off, as they try to neutralize their own outbreaks, but that won’t be much of a comfort.
Personality
Daisy is quite obviously insane. Of course Habbalah, being demons who believe that they’re angels, usually are. What makes her unique is her way of dealing with the inherent contradiction of being an “angel” in Hell.
Like the rest of her Band, Daisy is quite convinced that the rest of the universe is comprised of weaklings who can’t hope to survive it without being propped up every step of the way. Unlike most Habbalah (who like to try to prove this belief at every opportunity), the Princess of Cheerfulness has graciously taken it upon herself to provide that support. She knows that Cheerful weaklings can forget their inadequacies for a while, so she’s determined to make everyone Cheerful (defined by her, of course, but it’s her Word, after all. Of course she knows best). Whether they like it or not.
Daisy thinks that everybody else’s major problem is that they worry too much. If they didn’t worry, then they wouldn’t run around and scheme and spend all their time thinking about why they have to run around and scheme. Stop the rest from having to worry (stop them from being able to worry), and they’ll be Happy. Daisy wants everybody to be Happy, and if that means that the rest of Creation has to wander around in a barely self-aware haze, well, that’s what God wants. If He didn’t, he wouldn’t have made Daisy an Archangel. This hasn’t really been explained to the rest of Hell, of course: they’d just kick and scream and pout. Better to ease them into this super-duper way of doing things. Whether they want to or not.
One thing that has even the potential to break through Daisy’s delusions is the question of Lucifer. Not even she can think of many things nice about the Lightbringer. She’s handled it by, well, selectively ignoring him. Lucifer is an unpleasant reality, so she pretends that he’s not there and then everything’s hunky-dory. She won’t disobey him, mind, but Daisy deliberately forgets about him whenever Lucifer isn’t around. Presumably this tickles the fancy of the First Balseraph, or maybe he’s just not willing to admit that he made a colossal mistake in elevating her. Or both.
Rites:
: Cheer someone up, by any means necessary.
: Write something cheerful and get it published.
: Throw a party for a bunch of depressed people and Cheer them all up. Brain damage optional, but worth an extra point of Essence for each person permanently made Cheerful. A coma will do.
Chance of Invocation: 4
Modifiers
+1 A puppy (alive, and not in pain!)
+2 A book of inspirational stories.
+3 A performing clown.
+4 A badly written book of inspirational stories.
+5 Twenty people, all of who are happy, happy, happy! Natural Cheerfulness is not mandatory, and really isn’t even particularly desired.
+6 A demon who has just acquired one of the Cheerful Discords (see below) for the first time.
The Cheerful Discords
Daisy came up with these all by herself, and luckily (for her) nobody has realized that quite yet. They are unique in that they don’t seem to hamper someone’s abilities (at the lower levels, at least). In fact, a celestial with a Cheerful Discord/1 is actually at a slight advantage. The real problems start at about level/4, by which time the celestial is pretty much doomed anyway.
As mentioned above, Daisy’s Servitors can infect other celestials with these Discords. The celestial is at risk for the next week, and any dissonance incurred will ensure the eventual imposition of one of the below Discords — even if the dissonance is worked off. Daisy herself has no problems with her Servitors displaying these Discords, though she keeps those with one above level/4 tucked away in her Principality of Happyland (see below).
Removal of the Discord is well within the abilities of any Superior: unfortunately, at this point in time nobody realizes that it’s vital to do so. The real problem will be in dealing with humanity: they can act as a health risk for up to a year, and there’s no way of telling whether the person you’re about to resonate is a carrier. Once the magnitude of the crisis is understood, both sides will be forced to: first, eliminate Daisy and her Servitors (all of them); second, quarantine those infected with Discord until they can be cleansed (or eliminated); and third, ban all uses of resonance on humanity for a year. As they are unlikely to completely accomplish even the first goal, this Princess will probably be a headache even after she’s been soul-killed.
It should also be noted that one thing all three Discords have in common is that anyone with one will be convinced that there’s nothing wrong with them. Attempting to convince an afflicted person otherwise will be at -1 for every level of the below Discords manifested.
Neat
This Corporeal Discord in lower levels simply manifests itself as a general neatness of one’s vessel and celestial form (even Shedim and Kyriotates). Those with Neat/1 do not have an obvious Discord, and others react to them at +2. Those with Neat/2 are a little more rigid, and they’re always smiling oddly, but there’s no reason to think that there’s anything wrong: people still react at +1. Demons with Neat/3 are pristine, and always a little obsessive about dirt: that and the perpetual grin cancel out the positive reaction.
Those at Neat/4 and above are scary. The smile is now literally unnatural (those with Neat/6 have smiles that end just below and behind the ears), and any dirt or slime that touches the demon burns off in smoke. Everyone without the Neat Discord reacts at -3 for each level above 3.
Happy!
This Ethereal Discord is the nasty one. At its lower levels, those with it find themselves able to concentrate better: each level of the Discord will add +1 to all Precision-based rolls (even default skill use). Unfortunately, this is also coupled with a general degradation of intellectual abilities. This doesn’t become noticeable until Happy!/4, but when it does, it does so with a vengeance: at this point, the celestial is at -1 for all Intelligence-based rolls per level of the Happy! Discord.
There usually aren’t any negative reaction modifiers to this Discord: by the time it manifests in its more virulent form, the celestial is usually a figure of pity instead of dislike.
Cheerful
This Celestial Discord is the trademark of Daisy’s Servitors. In lower levels, it manifests themselves as a generally sunny disposition, and those with it add the level of the Discord to resist suffering from negative emotions, or Will Rolls to resist hostile Songs or resonances.
Doesn’t sound like a problem? Well, those with Cheerful/2 and above start developing selective indifference. At Cheerful/2, the celestial simply doesn’t hear nasty comments; those with Cheerful/3 and 4 don’t pay attention to the suffering of others; and Cheerful/5 and 6 are some of the most callous individuals in existence (they’re so Cheerful that they could care less). Angels and good people will react at -2 per level at Cheerfulness/3 and above; demons and evil people won’t notice until at least level/4, but will then react at -3 (because usually they’re the ones whose anguish is being ignored).
The Principality of Happyland
Daisy carved this Principality out of some underutilized space between the Beleth’s side of the Vale and Perdition. It’s fairly weird to visit. No demons with pitchforks, no tortured screams, no flickering flames: just a bunch of damned souls and demons wandering around in robes with smiles on their faces (though some of the demons wear hooded robes). The beds are soft, there’s a bunch of plants and trees (fake, of course: not even a Princess can make things grow in Hell), and you can hear pretty birdsong (canned music, naturally). Lots of bright colors, too. There’s even a merry-go-round. Above it all is Daisy’s Fairy Castle, an improbably pink and green sculpture of something that looks like coral. Daisy spends most of her time there.
The grapevine being what it is, every damned soul in Hell is desperate to go there. The other Princes charge hefty fees, of course, but there’s usually always a busload of souls arriving at the gate (which has a gigantic smiley face hanging off of it). There, they are met by smiling demons with plastic leis and glasses of what is called lemonade, and at least doesn’t taste actively vile. The souls are welcomed in with open arms as they pass through the gates.
That’s when their troubles start.
There’s no torture, of course. This is Happyland, where everyone is given the opportunity to undeservedly bask in God’s mercy. Damned souls are expected, in exchange for not being subject to torture, to give up their Essence on demand and follow a course of self-improvement. Most are very happy to do this at first, as it certainly beats being fried on griddles or impaled on stakes. There’s even food and shelter in the bargain.
However, after a while, it gets to be a bit much. There are a lot of rules. No fighting, no fornication, no swearing, no spitting, no frowning, no dozing off during the interminable lectures, no real excitement at all. Granted, you couldn’t do most of this in Hell to begin with, but it wasn’t actually forbidden in most places: you just weren’t powerful enough to get away with it. Eventually, a soul will get fed up and break one of the rules.
The demons of Happyland will smile some more and take him up to the Fairy Castle. When he comes back down, he’s usually happy and cheerful. If he acts up again, he goes back up and comes back down even more happy and cheerful, and in better shape. If that doesn’t work, the process is repeated. Eventually he gets so happy and cheerful that he takes to his bed and never bothers to move again.
What actually happens, of course, is that when a soul is taken to the Fairy Castle, somebody perpetually uses an appropriate resonance on him or her for a while to make him Cheerful. Usually this is enough. However, if the soul continues to be all grumpy, the process in repeated — while either an Ethereal or Celestial Force is removed. Usually, a Corporeal Force is added, to keep his Essence reserve at the same level. One or two applications of this is easily enough to create a perfectly happy mindless idiot, which is frankly what Daisy wants for humanity in the first place.
Demons in Happyland, away from the front gate, are a frightening lot when you really look at them. Anyone with a Cheerful Discord/4 or higher is usually assigned to the Principality full-time by Daisy, and they have a pretty good idea about their Princess’ long-term plans. They aren’t too reticent about talking about it, either: usually, the only possible audience is too busy contemplating how happy he or she is to care about listening.
A few souls work out very quickly what they’ve signed up for, and even manage to keep their noses clean. Of this group, opinion is divided on whether to just keep their mouths shut and smile a lot, or whether to try to break out and warn somebody about what’s going on here. Those who consider the latter decision unlikely should bear in mind that some damned souls have been in Hell for a long time, and have a pretty good idea about what will happen when the other Princes work out exactly how dangerous Daisy really is. Warning someone in authority just might translate into a minor sinecure with another Prince; it certainly beats being soul-killed when the rest of Hell storms the walls of Happyland.
So far, no one’s made it over the wall yet, but it will happen, and that’s when the fun will really start.
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