I regret to tell you that RED SONJA is going to be terrible.

It’s not just this…

…(via @CrownMaybe) though, yeah, that’s gonna do it, right there*. It’s, well, this.

…Yaaaaay.

Moe Lane

*I truly would forgive this production if I thought that at least they were going to pour stuff all over it that would attract the female gaze. It still wouldn’t be for me, but at least it would be something more aligned (if inverted) with the spirit of Robert Howard’s original work. But they won’t do any such thing – and then they’ll wonder why almost no hot-blooded American men or women went to go see their movie.

But never mind me.

8 thoughts on “I regret to tell you that RED SONJA is going to be terrible.”

  1. I’m thinking “terribly” is optimistic.

    I’m putting it below “Manos, Hand of Fate” on my interest meter.

  2. Imagine the fun they had putting that production together. I can imagine a giant DEI board that looks like a game on The Price is Right, and people struggling to fill in all the roles like some kind of woke Sudoku.
    “Sure, the Intimacy Coordinator can be a gay, Asian man, but only if the Key Grip is non-binary. That will leave an open spot for an indigenous two-spirit neurodivergent to be the script supervisor. That’s an important person on set, because Xie will make sure that the cast and crew remembers that we’re filming this project on stolen land. ”

    Now that’s a movie that everyone can be proud of.

  3. Heh, was just looking at the Wiki page for the movie, which includes this gem:

    > The character’s trademark bikini will remain the main costume for the film.

    This whole thing seems like a dumpster fire looking for a place to happen.

    1. Yeah… the idea that they’re going to somehow combo “not male gaze oriented” with “primary costume is a chainmail bikini” is… interesting.

      Maybe they’re just targeting humiliation fetishists? I mean, self-flagellating liberal males need porn too, right? It’d be one of those “if you admit what you’re doing then it doesn’t work as well” things.

      That said, this is Hollywood. It seems pretty unlikely that they’re that self-aware.

  4. …. kind of wondering how long this woke neo-victorian puritanical stuff will last….

    … no puritanical cycle lasts forever, after all.

    Mew

    1. At least the Victorians still had a foundational concept of Christian Redemption to work with.

      The Struggle Sessions only promise a Lovecraftian deferment of punishment until all the others have been consumed first.

  5. So Thoth-Amon will be plotting to make the world 2 degrees warmer and Red Sonja will have 12 years in which to stop him? 😋

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