Category: Movies

The Sharknado 5: Global Swarming trailer.

Shame? Moi?  I can say with some smugness that I’ve never watched a single one of these movies… which, at least according to some people, may have actually gotten better as the series grinds on. If for no other reason than you can’t fall off the floor. Nonetheless, I endorse these films, because they give work to a bunch of actors and actresses who could use the cameo paychecks. I’m not a cruel man. I don’t want to see any of those people starve, simply because I’m being a sneer-sniffing, reverse-hipster elitist snob.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming will be coming to TV on August 6th.

Gal Gadot sings about her breasts, Chris Pine comes clean on armpit hair controversy.

I thought that I was going to roll my eyes on this one, but Gal Gadot and Chris Pine beat me to it. It would seem that Ms. Gadot is happy to write songs about her breast size (she’s pretty pleased about it*) and Mr. Pine started the entire armpit hair controversy as fodder for his application to a PhD. program.  All in all, this entire clip is pretty funny: it’s what you get when two actors are basking in the glow of knowing that their movie just brought in half a billion in two weeks. I approve.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1ziZIC6uwA

Continue reading Gal Gadot sings about her breasts, Chris Pine comes clean on armpit hair controversy.

So, *will* there be a Spider-Man (Homecoming) 3?

It’s an interesting question: apparently Tom Holland is under the impression that there’s going to be a trilogy of standalone Spider-Man movies.  Certainly there’s going to be a sequel to Spider-Man: Homecoming, because that’s already been agreed to. And Spider-man will be in Avengers: Infinity War, because that’s already been agreed to, too. But Holland was specifically talking about a third Spider-Man standalone, which has not been agreed to. As we all know by now, Spidey’s in the MCU as the result of some extremely intricate negotiations between two media conglomerates who both had something to gain by working together (Disney got to put Spider-Man in a flick, Sony got the same with regard to Iron Man, and probably some other MCU earners).  As that article notes, if they want to continue this, there’s got to be a new deal.

I suspect that there will be a new deal, actually. But that’s only if Spider-Man: Homecoming is a blockbuster. If it is, then sharing the toys is in everybody’s long-term business interests. Sony makes money off of Marvel intellectual properties in a way that doesn’t make them feel like they’re making the universe slightly worse, Disney gets access to Spider-Man merchandising revenue streams without having to be even a little bit illegal, oh, yeah, the fans get to see Spidey and Cap and Thor hang out, and everybody is happy.

If Spider-Man: Homecoming doesn’t tank. If it does, well, that’s why they call it an experiment. Just business, boychik.

So I was flipping through YouTube…

…and I came across a trailer for The Second Coming of Christ, which is apparently going to do some variation of a premillenial Christian apocalypse scenario, Book of Revelation style.  Now I’m not criticizing the topic, or the desire to make this film, or even the inspirational style in which it’s being done. I’m not the target audience, and that’s actually fine.

But what I would like to see is a movie about the Tribulation, the Rapture, and so forth that is simultaneously faithful/respectful to the Biblical account and not directed by somebody who actually believes in the End Times. It’s a variant of the “show, not tell” principle: I’ve seen a few movies in this genre, and they typically feel compelled to witness. I would like to watch a movie where that urge is simply not present.  Admittedly, that would make it a horror film.  Which is why I’d want somebody who was committed to follow the story as it was originally presented.

I doubt that I’ll ever get that, though. Which is a shame.

My shortish review of The Mummy.

Short version: it’s not bad, but it’s not the Brendan Fraser / Rachel Weiss (and John Hannah!*) The Mummy. Russell Crowe did everything I expected him to. I don’t think that this is going to be a mega-hit, but they might still try to bring off the Frankenstein flick.

Longer version: …pretty much the same thing, really.  The film gets credit for harking back to the old-style special effects and makeup (while using CGI to reproduce them). It’s not a horrible film, but it’s uneven and the timing is a little rushed. I dunno if this franchise is going to have legs, sorry. Not that many of you are in fact sorry to hear that.

Moe Lane

Continue reading My shortish review of The Mummy.

I wonder if Disney is going to move up Captain Marvel now.

Or is that even a sensible strategy?  I’m not sure how this sort of thing games out. Does not having Captain Marvel out until 2019 build up the expectations for that movie — because it will be compared to Wonder Woman; I can almost see the think pieces in the aether, waiting to be manifested — for too long? Or does the studio want some distance in time between Wonder Woman and this flick? Weirdly, this is the one field in the DC/Marvel media wars where Marvel is at a disadvantage; the MCU doesn’t go in much for iconic (given how Marvel’s original iconic characters were all farmed out to other studios, it largely can’t). Wonder Woman is a solidly iconic movie at this point, and I suspect that there’s going to be another round of think pieces when it doesn’t get any serious Oscar nominations*. Extremely ticked-off ones.

Moe Lane

*The Academy purely hates superhero flicks. Even when they’re better than what normally gets the nomination.  Particularly when they’re better, in fact. The only reason they gave Heath Ledger that Best Supporting Actor Oscar was because it was posthumous.

From the Heights to the Depths: the early Mummy reviews are unpromising.

A 26% on Rotten Tomatoes is a bit alarming.  I mean, I’m still going to go see The Mummy: I bought a ticket and everything. But I’m not gonna lie; that’s a bad buzz, going in. Especially since I want to see all the old Universal horror characters get brought back; the state of the art in special effects has improved so much since the old days.

Ach, well. Maybe it won’t suck.