apple – Page 4 – Moe Lane

PSA for Apple Store employees.

When a harried-looking man carrying a whining and crying young boy stops you and tells you that he needs an USB hub that can connect to an iPad2, do not ask him what an USB hub is. When he explains to you what one is, do not ask him why anybody would need one of those*. When he explains to you why, and you tell him that you have no idea what you could sell him, the act of the man then turning around and walking out of the store is an indication that there will be no sale today.

Do not follow him.

I hope that this feedback helps!

Moe Lane

*Because I’d like to download video camera movies… well, hell, I’d just like to download video camera movies, period – which is apparently something that Apple doesn’t want me to do, ever. But assuming that I ever can, it’d be nice to do it without simultaneously draining battery power, yes?

Apple starts getting scareware.

You know, it’s amazing how even a brief acquaintance with Apple’s customer service* can make the schadenfreude all the tastier:

One of the most pervasive and costly types of infection is now hitting Mac computers, signalling the end of an age of innocence for Apple customers, who until now have been spared many common cybersecurity problems.

Apple didn’t really handle the problem well, either: they apparently seem to be thinking that this was an one-time thing, instead of being the harbinger of The Time Of The Suck that Microsoft has already had to deal with. Well, they’ll learn – and in the meantime, I’m going to make sure that all of my account information with this company uses a debit card; which will be annoying, but not as much as somebody hacking Apple and running up ten grand on my household’s credit card.

I suggest that the rest of you do the same.

Moe Lane

*It took me an hour and three different people to find out that Apple does not have a clue about what is the iPad equivalent to Powergramo (allowing me to record Skype calls and turn them into mp3s). I don’t mind – too much – that something like that is only available on real computers; I do mind that Apple doesn’t seem to take demands on my time as seriously as I do, considering that they want to sell me stuff.

[UPDATE]: The person who emailed me this has passed along where he got it from.

iPad2/Skype recording bleg.

I’m in the process of configuring the iPad2 for work use, and I’ve run into a snag: I can download Skype for it, no problem – but I use Powergramo to record Skype calls for interviews, and it doesn’t seem to have a Apple version (yes, yes, I know: I will be typing variants of this statement for as long as I have an iPad2). What should I be looking for that will do the same job? – I need something that records both ends of a Skype call, with separate audio tracks for each person on the call.

And what do iPad2 people use for audio editing, since they’re apparently not allowed to have Audacity?

Gizmodo pushback on iPhone conspiracy theories.

It’s entertaining enough to read the reasons why, no, it’s not really Apple’s style to do a deliberate leak of a gadget that will apparently be out in June anyway and will cause the usual mutliple orga… ah, ‘excite a lot of interest.’ But it’s this paragraph which I think addresses the real reason for the furious theorizing:

Presuming this was a leak is limp thinking. Worse, it hands back the control of the story to Apple because some are more comfortable believing Apple’s machinations are infallible than that they’re a company made up of human beings who try to control the news cycle—and that even the best laid plan can fall apart because of a single human mistake.

Yup. Don’t get me wrong; I have an old iPod. I like it. It plays music for long car rides. But I don’t have an emotional involvement in the company that made it.

Moe Lane

Apple ready to make you pay attention to ads.

Heeeeeeere’s the situation:

In an application filed last year and made public last month by the United States Patent and Trademark Office, Apple is seeking a patent for technology that displays advertising on almost anything that has a screen of some kind: computers, phones, televisions, media players, game devices and other consumer electronics.

[snip]

Its distinctive feature is a design that doesn’t simply invite a user to pay attention to an ad — it also compels attention. The technology can freeze the device until the user clicks a button or answers a test question to demonstrate that he or she has dutifully noticed the commercial message.

…and heeeeeeere’s the problem:

It’s amazing how many of these vendors fail to understand Chekhov’s first law of narrative: “A gun on the mantelpiece in act one is bound to go off by act three.” That is, if you design a device that is intended to attack its user — by shutting her out of her own files and processes against her wishes and without her consent — someone will figure out how to use that device to attack its user.

Well, one of the problems. The other major one is that forcing people to maintain constant awareness of what their computer is doing is a very stupid idea. Particularly if you’re producing for a niche customer base in the first place. You know how people hate pop-up ads? This is worse. Particularly if the company does something really dumb, like integrate this kind of technology into their new iPods. Fastest way to lose dominance of that particular market that I can think of.

Moe Lane

Guess the White House isn’t switching to Macs, then.

Apple considers secondhand smoke to be a biohazard and a warranty-breaker.

No, really.

Dena [from Jobs’ office] did advise me that nicotine is on OSHA’s list of hazardous substances and Apple would not require an employee to repair anything deemed hazardous to their health. However, OSHA also lists calcium carbonate (found in calcium tablets), isopropyl alcohol (used to clean wounds), chlorine (used in swimming pools), hydrogen peroxide (also used to clean wounds), sucrose (a sugar), talc (as in powder), etc… as hazardous substances.

On the bright side… got an annoying hipster [expletive deleted] being an annoying hipster [expletive deleted] about the horrors of consumerism, all the while carting around a Mac, iPod, and iPhone worth collectively more than the GDP of a Third World extended family? Do you want him to go away?

Guess what: now you have an app for that.

Moe Lane