Doit
Description: a one-handed hatchet of exotic metals and woods, exceptionally sharp and corrosion-resistant. The artifact takes its name from the “DOIT” inscribed on its head; esoteric examination of the item reveals that this is Doit’s True Name. Doit is throwable, and smells not unpleasantly of sun-baked steel and leather. Doit does normal damage for an axe of its type, with one exception: he doesn’t fumble or glance.
Technically, Doit is a weapon possessed by a death-spirit with telepathic abilities and an uncritical willingness to solve problems by splitting their skulls with an axe. This has to be conceded. It also has to be conceded that those who wield Doit must soon grow accustomed to his (Doit is definitely a ‘he’) polite, but inexorable commentary on the joys of chopping away one’s troubles. The axe never completely shuts about it, honestly.