Gnomish Coffee
There’s coffee, and then there’s coffee grown on magical mountains, and then there’s carefully-engineered coffee meticulously grown on magical mountains by Gnomes. Their tinkers, engineers, alchemists, and craftsmen practically live on the stuff, of course; so naturally Gnomes have been selectively cultivating coffee plants ever since the first Gnome had her first cup from a passing trader. Gnomes tend coffee plantations the way some species tend vineyards.
Seazing The Day!
Unlock Your Inner Powers Using Ancient Kootulu Wisdom
Seazing The Day! Unlock Your Inner Powers Using Ancient Kootulu Wisdom is scheduled to be published some time next fall. It’s a fairly breezy self-help book, about one hundred and fifty pages long, and was written by one ‘Lavinia Gilman’ (the helpful author photo on the back shows a fairly attractive redhead with no signs of Deep One taint). It is almost offensively banal in its message; the book features the usual combination of obvious practical suggestions and pseudo-psychological pablum. In this case, Seazing The Day! Takes a distinctly nautical theme, promising ‘deep insights from inside your personal depths’ and talking about visualizing ‘briny companions on your descent into wisdom’ and so forth. And it’s probably going to hit the bestseller list, God help us all.
Reassuring Cacophony – Google Docs
The Reassuring Cacophony
This… apparatus… is currently located in the basement of an otherwise unremarkable-looking cement building in the middle of the Australian Outback (northwest of Maree). Despite its appearance, the building itself is remarkably resistant to damage, and is inexplicably outfitted with light, water, and HVAC. The power sockets in the walls assume plugs of a non-existent type, but somebody fitted adaptors to American and European plugs a while back. The first and only floor of the building can fit about twelve people in sleeping bags; there is a sink, toilet (which shows signs of being installed later), refrigerator (ditto), and a cube that, when turned on, can boil water and fry eggs. There is also a storage closet, stuffed with long-term staples like toilet paper and cleaning supplies. There are no windows; light comes from a flat circle on the ceiling, and is almost unremarkably normal. Continue reading Item seed: The Reassuring Cacophony.
Caseus Belli
Judging from the old records, Caseus Belli was not particularly dangerous. Name aside, it was simply a hard cheese made using a particular strand of bacteria; people who ate the cheese were slightly stronger, more vigorous, and could function for a full day at full capacity before exhaustion. Making it was finicky, which is why the only people who could do so were the Arval Brethren (a priestly college of the Roman Empire). When the Arval Brethren disappeared from history, so did Caseus Belli.
Skunk Urine
Description: …it’s urine. From a skunk. And no, this is not the chemical mix that Terran skunks spray as a defensive tactic. Many a would-be intergalactic drug smuggler has made this mistake, often with hilarious results.
Mulholland Drive – Google Docs
The Mulholland Drive
When asked by the press why he named Earth’s first practical FTL engine the ‘Mulholland Drive,’ the Drive’s sole inventor cryptically replied “Because it runs on dead stars.” …Which is admittedly true enough, but the connection was still not immediately obvious. Ach, well, genius must be allowed its little jokes.
Shogosu Kakigori (Frozen Shoggoth) – Google Docs
Shogosu Kakigori (Frozen Shoggoth)
Well… surely not really? Nonetheless, there’s a chibi shoggoth for a logo, and the ingredients on this single-serve frozen dessert cup say ‘shoggoth’ pretty clearly in Japanese (‘shogosu,’ if you’re wondering). The cup in question is part of a 12 unit variety pack; Shogosu Kakigori comes in lemon, green tea, melon, and grape flavors, or at least this variety pack does.
Continue reading Item Seed: Shogosu Kakigori (Frozen Shoggoth).
PSI-Armor
The good news: PSI-Armor works to boost innate psionic abilities. It well and truly does, and in a way that leaves no room for doubt. There are five pieces of PSI-Armor, and each one has its own special abilities:
Camouflage Notebook – Google Docs
Camouflage Notebook
This is an extremely literal description: the Camouflage Notebook (which otherwise resembles a standard 100 sheet, bound composition book) isn’t called that because it has odd, military-themed patterns on it. It’s called that because if you leave it out, walk away for a few minutes, and then come back it will have somehow taken on the characteristics of its surroundings. Coloration, patterns, even movement; if it’s visual, the Camouflage Notebook will duplicate it. The effect lasts for as long as the Notebook itself isn’t moved.
Vikycle
It’s ridiculous. It’s anachronistic. It’s exceptionally spiky. And yet, they just pulled the Vikycle out of a new archeological dig in Norway. It’s been tentatively dated as being from the 9th Century AD, and everything about it looks about right. Except for the fact that it’s, well, a bicycle.
But it’s a Viking bicycle. You can best imagine it as a two-wheeled Hot Wheels where the rider sat in the seat over the back wheel and used wooden grips to turn the front wheel (both of which were exceptionally wide and sturdy. The two wheels also sported iron spikes on both hubs; similar, but longer spikes were mounted on the Vikycle’s front. Steering was by a fixed crosspole, and the archeologists who discovered this artifact actually reported officially that it felt like the Vikycle literally sneered at the concept of brakes.
