Evil Survival Crash Kit – Google Docs
The Evil Survival Crash Kit
This distinctly unattractive, not to mention absolutely repellent, metal box weighs 23.643 lbs, has a handle and carrying straps that are clearly not designed for human hands and backs, and smells mildly like socks that had been used to crush grapes, then left in a dark, damp room to ferment for a few weeks. ‘Evil Survival Crash Kit,’ by the way, is the name that human investigators have given it: presumably its ‘official’ name is spelled out somewhere in the disturbing, writhing sigils and designs that glow in and out of sight on the box itself. Given the contents and the entities that typically carry a Crash Kit, the translated name is probably highly unpleasant and almost certainly blasphemous.