In which I invalidate myself for elected office.

When I was in high school, I told people that I had a Komodo dragon living in my basement.  And this was not a random, spur of the moment lie, either: I studied for this one.  I had a back-story which I had carefully researched, to the point where if my family had been saddled with a Komodo dragon I would have been able to take a stab at taking care of one.  As near as I can remember, I mostly did it because high school was insanely boring, I thought that I had no real friends anyway*, and I wanted to see if anybody bought it.  I’m pretty sure a couple people did, but still: no Komodo dragon.

So the 2020 exploratory committees can stop calling, OK?

Moe Lane

PS: You either know what this is about, or you don’t.  If you don’t, you’ll probably figure it out eventually.  If you do, then you’re either rolling your eyes too at the inanity of it all, or you’re currently jumping up and down and holding your breath until your face turns blue at the way that nobody seems to care about this horrible horrible issue and you’re all mocking me and why won’t my comment go through and you can’t handle the truth and it’s NOT FAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRR…

PPS: I still think that having a Komodo dragon would be kind of neat.

*Turns out, on reflection, that this was nonsense.  I had friends; I was simply too convinced of my own cleverness and grim alienation to notice them.  Yeah, I know: I was a pretty hardcore geek.

9 thoughts on “In which I invalidate myself for elected office.”

  1. You were in high school around the time the movie “The Freshman” with Matthew Broderick came out, weren’t you?

  2. I lived in Indonesia for 3 years (middle school, 1987-1989) Komodo is one of the islands, occasionally one of the lizards would swim to another island. We were told if we ever saw one; get in the car and RUN HIS ASS OVER, then call the cops. Komodo’s will kill people.

  3. Yeah, I’m one of those people in the “don’t get it at all” category; but based on your either/or statement, I’m probably in the “don’t give a flying rat #*@%” category, too….
    Cool story about your imaginary komodo dragon, though 😀

  4. I saw a program recently that documented how a Komodo dragon will purposefully keep its mouth filthy dirty and bacteria infested, so that one of its methods of hunting becomes “Let me bite this water buffalo on the flank and wait several days for it to die of infection.” Which is equal parts creepy and awesome, IMHO. 😀

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