Some free tactical advice for hostile Amazon reviewers.

If you want to seriously hurt a book’s reputation with a negative review on Amazon.com, a few good ground rules.

1. Learn to spell.
2. Learn to write.
3. Make doubly sure that the title of your review shows that you’ve mastered 1. & 2.
4. Don’t tell people that your review is based on other reader reviews of the book that you didn’t read.
5. Don’t tell people that your review is based on what a bunch of critics said about the book that you didn’t read.
6. Don’t tell people that your review is based on a totally cool lecture made by the author of the book that you didn’t read.
7. Don’t tell people that your review is based on a flip-through at the bookstore of the book that you didn’t read.
8. In fact – and I don’t believe that I have to write this – don’t tell people that you haven’t read the book.
9. Read the book.
10. Lastly, remember: the only thing a political writer values more than a good review of his book is a badly-spelled, badly-written, moderately incoherent negative review written by somebody who clearly felt stung by the mere existence of the author’s book in the local space-time continuum.  Honestly, people: spluttering oppositional froth = more sales.

Just wanted to get that out.

Moe Lane