Feedback requested: Kickstarter pitch video script.

This is first draft, so feel free to pick it apart. I haven’t timed it yet, but I’m aiming for short and sweet. And no, I don’t know if that joke in the first paragraph really works, but what the hell. It’s the sort of joke I’d make in real life, and to thine own self be true.

The Kickstarter will go live on April 1st, by the way. The video is the last thing I need to do before submitting this project for review.

Patreon!

Hi! I’m Moe Lane, and I’ve written a novel!  And boy, are my arms tired — whoops, wrong joke.

The book is called Frozen Dreams, and it’s easily described as ‘post-apocalyptic urban high fantasy pulp detective fiction.’ Or ‘most’ easily described. I liked writing it, and I want you to like reading it, so here we are.  And ‘here’ is pretty far along! The book’s written, the cover art (by Shaenon Garrity of Skin Horse) is coming along nicely, and it’s now just a matter of bringing in enough money to pay for the unavoidable stuff, like editing and ISBN numbers.

And that’s where Kickstarter comes in.  Kickstarter is a crowdfunding system that blah blah blah buzzword bingo; look, the short version is, you sign up for one of the tiers, Frozen Dreams gets funded, you get rewarded for it.  And if the project doesn’t get funded, you don’t get charged. I’ve done a bunch of these from the other side, and it’s a great way to get creative stuff that wouldn’t otherwise get made.

So. Please sign up. But even if you don’t, thanks for listening to this the whole way through.

13 thoughts on “Feedback requested: Kickstarter pitch video script.”

  2. I think you still need a brief but clear hook.
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    Something like: “What would happen if magic came back to our world? Hundreds of years later let’s see who’s picking up the enchanted pieces”. Something to establish the setting.
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    Or maybe lead with one of the more riveting texts from the book itself, which is what we’re all here for anyhow.

      1. Pithy blurb that doesn’t reference other works.
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        If you can’t come up with one, then skip it.
        .
        Mew

  3. Focus on your book, nothing tells me why I want to buy your book. I’d like to hear a bit more, maybe a brief teaser blurb, a fast vignette about the setting, something that grabs me and makes me think “oh, I want to read that.”

    I’d also cut the stuff out about kickstarter and the joke. Even my mom knows how crowdfunding works by now. The joke isn’t bad, I suspect if you were handing me a beer while you said it I’d laugh, but you’ve really only got about 10 seconds to grab me, and that’s going to be 2 or 3.

    1. 1). Good point.

      2). I’m inclined to agree with you, but it’s like *everybody* says ‘you gotta explain what crowdfunding is.’ I dunno if that’s inertia or practicality. 🙂

      1. The question becomes whether it’s shorter to say “This is crowd-funded, that means blah blah blah” or “This is crowd-funded, if you don’t get it go here”…
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        In any event, I’m looking forward to the opportunity for you to take my money.
        .
        Mew

    2. One could assume if they’ve found the Kickstarter page, they know what Kickstarter does.
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      OTOH, assumptions and five bucks are worth $4.85 after taxes.

  4. Yeah, you need a logline in there. “When Private Detective Tom Vargas is called to the Castle to investigate a murder, he is drawn into a web of lies and subterfuge that threaten the entire city”, or somesuch blather.

    1. … ‘s a good start, but it needs to nod to the magical/urban-fantasy … don’t want someone gettin’ it home and complainin’ their “hard-boiled noir” has gone weird.
      .
      Now me, I like some weird in my fiction ..
      .
      Mew

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