WASHINGTON—The United States Congress passed a law late Wednesday that for the first time in its 222-year history did not result in the sudden and unexpected deaths of thousands of ducks.
The law, designed to track suspicious interstate financial transactions, passed with an overwhelming majority in both houses and did not cause the usual hail of dead ducks to fall from the sky.
“I’m not sure what we did differently with this bill, but suffice it to say, we’re pleasantly surprised by the result,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) said from the duck-carcass-free steps of the Capitol. “No ducks spontaneously lost their buoyancy and drowned in their ponds, burst into flames, or lined up to be run over by a steamroller. It’s a good day for Americans and a great day for ducks.”
It gets better: I don’t know why that’s the funniest damn thing that I’ve read so far today, but it is and I think that we all need the laugh.