Jun
07
2017
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Item Seed: Kingsmead.

Kingsmead – Google Docs

 

Kingsmead

 

The recipe for Kingsmead has existed in European occult circles for at least two thousand years, with significant gaps.  The brew can only be made from honey from a beehive on Crown lands (however you define ‘Crown’): when properly prepared, it gives the drinker the ability to shrug off pain and wounds (half all damage taken, and damage regenerates in one-third the usual time) taken while in the Crown’s service. Traditionally, it was given to only the most loyal royal bodyguards and household troops, and those who took it kept it secret.

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Jun
05
2017
1

Item/Creature Seed: Mummified Spitfires.

Mummified Spitfires – Google Docs

 

Mummified Spitfires

 

The legend has it that, after World War 2, the British government buried a number of Spitfire airplanes in Burma (after prepping them for long-term storage underground).  This legend has been investigated several times, over the years; most recently in 2013.  It’s pretty clear by now that, in fact, no Spitfires were ever actually buried in that country.

 

Well, of course not.  The British buried the blessed things in Australia.  Even in 1945 it was becoming clear that decolonization was looming on the horizon. God only knows who would rule Burma after the land left the Empire; probably would end up being some military junta, or something equally obnoxious.  Better to put the planes out in the Outback, where it was dryer, handy to various friendly magical communities, and under the oversight of, well, yes, Australians, but they were good chaps. Underneath it all.

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Jun
02
2017
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Item Seed: Relikvii.

Because Commies make my [expletive deleted] teeth ache and I’m trying to not be That Guy, that’s why.

Relikvii – Google Docs

 

Relikvii

 

Well, that’s the Russian slang term for the stuff; God forbid that the old Soviet Union ever use such a superstition-drenched name to describe True Proper Soviet Proletarian Scien — sorry. Old habits die hard, you know? Relikvii are your standard Unholy Artifacts, Demonology edition: they’re a single-shot aid for summoning demons. You can imagine how Stalin-era internal propagandists had to come up with new and unique ways to talk their way around that.

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May
31
2017
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Item Seed: Shackleton Mold.

Blame this.

Shackleton Mold – Google Docs

Shackleton Mold

 

This is some cutting-edge stuff, to be sure.  Shackleton Mold get its name from where it was recently discovered: back in 1915 a set of photo negatives from the Ross Sea Party Antarctic expedition got enclosed in a block of ice, then left frozen for a century.  Yes, 1915.  Which is to say, several decades before the 1947 Invasion from Beyond that fundamentally altered our microbial ecosystem and made us vulnerable to the Greys‘ genetic attacks.  Sure, we fended them off, eventually — but we’ve been doing repair work ever since.  The Mold has thus been an absolute godsend: covert recovery specialists were able to get a sample of the stuff before it got contaminated, which gives us a baseline for what our DNA looked like before we all got infected.  

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May
30
2017
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Item Seed: The Sausage Protocols.

I had no idea where this was going.

Sausage Protocols – Google Docs

The Sausage Protocols

 

Description: a standard cardboard accordion file, wrapped in elastic bands and bearing various stencils and imprints that place and date it to the US Army, circa 1936 or so.  Interestingly, there are no classification stickers or warnings anywhere in the file; everything was stamped as being cleared for public dissemination at some point in 2007. There isn’t even any red tape or tabs.

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May
28
2017
3

Item Seed: Pinball Wizard.

Pinball Wizard – Google Docs

Pinball Wizard

 

Despite the name, this isn’t wizardry. It’s just good, honest 24th Century social science, being forced to use primitive 20th Century technology (specifically, seven heavily modified pinball machines).  At least, that was what the guy said when the agents burst into his lair; there was also a lot of bluster and sneers about “ignorant fools” and “Cower! Cower before the might of the Chan the Unstoppa…” It was about then that the guy’s integral temporal field finally overloaded from the strain of accumulated paradox, and sent him wherever people go when they get booted out of the timestream.  Don’t feel too bad about old Chan, though; the 24th Century seems to be mostly populated by megalomaniacal jerks, judging by how many of them keep showing up here.

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May
26
2017
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Item Seed: Edible Effigies.

There’s a campaign in Witch-finders Meets NYPD Blue, I’m telling you.

Edible Effigies – Google Docs

Edible Effigies

This particular magical workaround occurs only in a magical tradition (we’ll call it ‘witchery,’ with apologies to benign — or very, very touchy — witches everywhere) that permits the remote cursing of individuals by the use of an effigy that has been enchanted to have a mystic link to the person being cursed. Needless to say, if that sort of thing is both demonstrable and reproducible then the practice will get swiftly banned by the local power structure, because typically the local power structure will inevitably end up being at high risk of being cursed.  And when simply banning the spell’s use doesn’t work — it typically does not — the next step is to ban possession of the specialized ingredients and equipment used to create the effigies.  That often can work, for a while. But it also does encourage a certain amount of creativity among the witches making the effigies, because banning this sort of thing also invariably makes it much more lucrative.  

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May
25
2017
4

Item Seed: The Wells Fargo Wagon.

OK. So it’s a plot device.

Wells Fargo Wagon – Google Docs

The Wells Fargo Wagon

 

Normally musicals don’t actually trigger a physical manifestation of a concept like this, but sometimes even low probability scenarios occur.  The Wells Fargo Wagon typically manifests in the form of a horse-drawn enclosed cargo carriage, complete with a friendly driver (typically male) who happily converses with people while smilingly never telling them anything about himself, his wagon, or how it all works.  Speaking metaphysically, the Wagon is a standard wish-generator in tangible form, but with three major differences:

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May
16
2017
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Item: Waybread of the Cruitani.

It’s short, but I like this one.  Short and sweet. And HUNGRY.

Waybread of the Cruitani – Google Docs

 

Waybread of the Cruitani

Some fantasy nomadic tribes create travel rations that last forever because they’re enchanted to never decay.  Others create eternal rations using secret ingredients and techniques.  Most tribes use the traditional ‘bake it until all the water’s gone’ method.  But the Cruitani have a much more direct technique: they create waybread that lasts by devouring the rest of the travel rations, if you let it.

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May
15
2017
3

Item Seed: Root Beer

Root Beer – Google Docs

Root Beer

 

This is kind of an assassination tool, maybe? Although it doesn’t exactly kill people. It instead changes their personality, positive and negative traits, and skill sets.  So, it’s pretty nasty stuff: you may not die after drinking it, but after whoever gives Root Beer to you gets done with you you won’t be the same person in any real, meaningful sense, either. One of many reasons why it’s rather thoroughly banned, except in the most advanced Galactic cultures, under the most rigorous bioethical guidelines.

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May
13
2017
1

Item seed: Eschermacke

Eschermacke – Google Docs

Eschermacke

 

This rather bulky artifact consists of eight 2-inch quadruplex videotape reels holding sixteen twenty-five minute long cartoons, for a total of six and two-third hours of footage.  The cartoons are from a Serbian-language show called ‘Eschermacke’ (‘Escher Cats’) that apparently appeared on Radio Television Belgrade in 1967; it features a pack of vaguely anthropomorphic cats that can stretch themselves like taffy and have somewhat surreal adventures.  The animation is horrible, even by the standards of the time; and the writing is not much better — which probably explains why the videotape reels have been gathering dust in the University of Novi Sad library since at least 1978.

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May
12
2017
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Item Seed: ‘Destroyer-of-Shins.’

Destroyer-of-Shins – Google Docs

 

Destroyer-of-Shins

 

This thoroughly nasty weapon dates back to the end of China’s Song Dynasty. It is a jain (a double-edged, straight sword) that has been unfortunately enchanted to not rust or break; the hilt has a forward-facing guard, and can accommodate two hands. Destroyer-of-Shins has had a number of scabbards over the years, as the sword is apparently destructive of any scabbard that it is placed in.  While Destroyer-of-Shins is an extremely well-made hand-and-a-half sword, it is best known (for given values of ‘known’) for the way that a single scratch from it can guarantee that the target dies, screaming, after a week of agony.  There’s no known cure or even palliative, whether magical or technological.

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