As I recall, the major objection to this one was that I made the Angel of Chocolate a dude. Don’t yell at me; yell at Frank Herbert. He’s the guy I was ripping off, after all.
Usul
Cherub Master of the Armies of God
Angel of Chocolate (with apologies to Frank Herbert)
Corporeal Forces: 5 Strength: 8 Agility: 12
Ethereal Forces: 6 Intelligence: 12 Precision: 12
Celestial Forces: 6 Will: 12 Perception: 12
Word-Forces: 17
Vessel: human male/5, Charisma +1
Skills: Dodge/6, Emote/6, Fast-Talk/3, Fighting/6, Knowledge (Chocolate/6, Biochemistry/6, Theology/3), Large Weapon/3 (Sword), Survival/6 (Desert), Savoir-Faire/3, Small Weapon/6 (Knife), Tactics/6
Songs: Affinity (Corporeal/6), Battle (Celestial/6), Charm (Corporeal/3, Ethereal/3, Celestial/6), Light (Celestial/6), Might (All/2), Motion (Celestial/6), Shields (All/6, virtuoso), Tongues (Corporeal/3, Ethereal/3) … and what’s rumored to be a very specific Pestilence (Corporeal/6) and Entropy (Corporeal/6).
Attunements: Cherub of the Sword, Seraph of the Sword, Mercurian of the Sword, Cherub of Flowers, Scabbard, Purity of Purpose, Holy Fortitude, Rock Hard, One to One, Transubstantiation, Smite, Synchronicity, Master of the Armies of God, Angel of Chocolate
Angel of Chocolate:
1) Usul can adjust the brain chemistry of anyone to make it seem like they’ve just had a bar of chocolate. This will handle the special dietary needs of any human Song user.
2) As Angel of Chocolate, Usul can either intensify or degrade the effects of chocolate with a Will -2 roll. If intensified, any human Song user who eats a standard bar of chocolate will gain a +2 to Song rolls for the next 24 hours. If degraded, eating the chocolate will make Song use impossible for the same period of time. Use of this Attunement costs 1 Essence for every 100lb affected. It is also believed that he is capable of using this Attunement to boost or degrade all chocolate (and kill all cocoa plants), in exchange for his soul-death.
3) Usul knows where all the cocoa products in the world are, and in what concentration.
Rites:
: Eat a bar of chocolate.
: Spend eight hours working in a chocolate factory (+2 Essence).
: Kill a Servitor of Gluttony who was eating chocolate at the time.
The thing about celestials is that they never can seem to quite comprehend that their activities on the corporeal plane will have unexpected consequences — well, celestials say that they can, but they keep looking surprised when complications arise. It’s not their fault, really: you try to operate in an alien dimension without ever a misstep.
One of the earliest examples of this problem first appeared right after the First Incursion. Angels had already discovered that certain humans were capable of performing Corporeal Songs. So when the War heated up, they started taking advantage of this by enlisting Soldiers. Hell followed suit, which was expected. What was not expected was the increasing sickliness (and eventual wasting away) of most of those first Soldiers.
It took Heaven a while to figure out why: Jean had to invent the science of nutrition first, and that always takes a little time for him. Essentially, the problem was that Soldiers needed a special dietary supplement (it seems that the act of Singing leeches away certain polysyllabic chemicals found in corporeal brains). Not very much of said chemicals, but regular Song use would require replenishment of them somehow. Jean and Novalis scoured the planet for a substance that would provide the necessary additives — and found a perfect candidate in the fruit of a South American plant.
Do you see where this is going (and why Chocolate has 17 Word-Forces)?
It’s true. The War runs on chocolate (at least, the human parts of it). Every Soldier, Sorcerer or Child of the Grigori must, once per month, consume a standard sized chocolate bar if they wish to stay healthy. Of course, this is massive overkill: human Song users who aren’t using their abilities overmuch could get away with only consuming chocolate once per year. However, why risk trouble? Death by chocolate deprivation isn’t a pretty sight.
And this is why Usul has Distinctions and Attunements from Archangels who often don’t like each other very much. He’s got his finger on the button that would shut it down forever, if so ordered — and, amazingly for a Cherub Word-bound, he will destroy his Word if it would serve Heaven.
Usul is a moderately old angel (he received his Word several centuries after the ascension of Laurence) who only recently came to prominence among the Host. The private war between the Angel and Demon of Chocolate was long, bitter and free of such trifles as mercy or forbearance, and it ended with said Demon dead at Usul’s feet. At that point, Usul made his Declaration: “He who can destroy a thing, controls it.”
It would seem that the angel has worked out a method to completely destroy all cocoa plants, and all forms of chocolate on the corporeal plane: Usul demonstrated his ability to do so in a limited area, and there is little doubt that the method would work worldwide. The effects would be catastrophic. Without access to chocolate, Hell would be forced to either drastically cut down on its Hellsworn-driven operations, or else work out an alternative method to keep them healthy. Seeing as the top Diabolical researcher happens to be Vapula, the cure might end up being worse than the disease. Heaven, of course, would be able to support their own Soldiers (things can grow in Heaven, remember?). Of course, it would be a shame to deprive Earth of hot chocolate, but sacrifices must be made in Wartime.
Hell can get the point. Haagenti’s request for a new Demon of Chocolate has been refused until the Princes can come up with a countermove: until then, they will concede the point and allow Usul his monopoly. The situation remains highly unstable, of course. If nothing else, the Angel of Chocolate has been using his chokehold on Hellsworn effectiveness to wring whatever concessions he can get. It’s a perilous balancing act, and one guaranteed to earn him personal enmity with most of the Princes — in fact, it already has. Usul could care less. Anything that destabilizes Hell is fine with him.
As can be seen above, Usul is both a fanatic and a gambler. Only a fanatic would destroy his own Word in the service of Heaven: only a gambler would use such a threat to make the Enemy back off. It’s worked (so far), but eventually Hell will call the Cherub’s bluff.
It isn’t a bluff, by the way.
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I don’t get that. Obviously the default supplier of chocolate to a distraught woman is a man. Normally a man apologizing for something, but a man nonetheless.
Oh, it was good-natured kvetching, as I recall.