Tag: ducks

In Nomine Revisited: Ducks.

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Ducks

Corporeal Forces: 1 Strength: 2 Agility: 2

Ethereal Forces: 0 Intelligence: 1 Precision: 1

Celestial Forces: 0 Will: 0 Perception: 1

Advantages: Toughness/2 (Ducks seem to shrug off bullets, as any hunter will tell you. They’re always finding ducks with old gunshot wounds, believe it or not.)

Body Hits: 6

Skills: Dodge/4, Fighting/4, Flying/6, Swimming/3

This is, like, you know, a duck. It quacks, swims, and flies. It pecks for a straight 2 Body Hits per attack, presuming that you somehow annoy it enough. Ducks usually don’t go looking for trouble, though. Indeed, the only reason why I even bothered with this write-up is that, sometimes, trouble goes looking for them.

Continue reading In Nomine Revisited: Ducks.

Meet David Campbell, New Hampshire state Democrat: “The ducks should have moved.”

Yeah, it’s about what you think.

[Retired USMVC officer James] Murphy said he had just tossed the ducks some crackers when he spotted Campbell’s dark sedan approaching from a side parking lot near the hotel entrance.

“All of a sudden, this 5 Series BMW comes up, it’s going about 15 miles an hour, and then when he gets to the ducks, it’s not like it even slowed down,” Murphy said.

“It just crushed all of the ducks.” Continue reading Meet David Campbell, New Hampshire state Democrat: “The ducks should have moved.”

“A great day for ducks.”

The Onion reports:

WASHINGTON—The United States Congress passed a law late Wednesday that for the first time in its 222-year history did not result in the sudden and unexpected deaths of thousands of ducks.

The law, designed to track suspicious interstate financial transactions, passed with an overwhelming majority in both houses and did not cause the usual hail of dead ducks to fall from the sky.

“I’m not sure what we did differently with this bill, but suffice it to say, we’re pleasantly surprised by the result,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) said from the duck-carcass-free steps of the Capitol. “No ducks spontaneously lost their buoyancy and drowned in their ponds, burst into flames, or lined up to be run over by a steamroller. It’s a good day for Americans and a great day for ducks.”

It gets better: I don’t know why that’s the funniest damn thing that I’ve read so far today, but it is and I think that we all need the laugh.