item – Page 10 – Moe Lane

Creature Seed: Weath Turcocl.

Weath Turcocl

Description: it looks kind of like a feathery winged turtle, or possibly a feathery winged coconut with a wild-eyed turtle head attached to it. Weath Turcocl can fly; it’s by definition the fastest winged turtle in existence, able to outspeed a running man. Unfortunately, once it gets going the Weath Turcocl can’t turn worth a damn.

Yes, that’s the name. A particular reality dreamer read this book at the exact worst, or best time; and so, here we are. Dealing with the damnable Weath Turcocl. And people wonder why the relevant authorities are so careful with reality dreamers! This is even worse than when one of the dreamers decided sunsets would be much improved with the addition of the color Surgical Pink. The fact that she was right is irrelevant; it was still a chore and a half to get everything else in reality smoothed down afterward.

Item Seed: A Judgment of Ravens.

A Judgment of Ravens – Google Docs Download

A Judgment of Ravens

350 pages. Publication date: 1973, Ballantine Books. Author Karen Nightingale. Genre: supernatural romance, with a strong science fictional flavor.

Plot: Clarissa Templeton is a hard-hitting ‘electronic journalist’ who works the DC beat. She’s just uncovered the biggest scoop of her career, involving a shadowy conspiracy at the heart of Capitol Hill; soon, she’s drawn into a epic battle between forces Clarissa barely comprehends. She knows that she needs allies, but she also knows that betrayal can come from anyone. So when she meets Connor Mackenzie, CIA officer (who might be an immortal werewolf, or wizard, or something), does she listen to her head, or her heart?

Item Seed: Thacos.

Thacos – Google Docs Download

Thacos

[I refuse to believe that nobody has ever thought to make this joke before. It seems so amazingly obvious, really. – ML]

Description: a small collection of shredded meat mixed with chopped vegetables, well-spiced, well-cooked, and wrapped in a baked flour shell. Thacos glow with Divine power, Good-aligned: once created, they remain hot and fresh indefinitely; the ingredients will also not fall out of the shell until the Thaco is consumed. The taste is best described as being, well, extremely tasty spiced meat and vegetables, wrapped in a baked flour shell.

Item Seed: VERONICA.

VERONICA – Google Docs Download

VERONICA

Description: a highly ornate picture frame, about the right size for an eight and a half inch by eleven inch sized piece of paper. Both the frame and the ‘glass’ are both made out of Bakelite (a synthetic plastic). VERONICA registers as different on esoteric scans, but not really magical.

Powers: looking through the transparent ‘glass’ reveals the True Platonic Form of everything. Fortunately, the ‘glass’ is cloudy enough that the item being viewed must be touching VERONICA (while still being visible) for the effect to work. Looking at the Platonic True Form of a living creature for too long is contraindicated.

Item Seed: Yummy-Tummy All-Natural Peanut Butter.

Yummy-Tummy All-Natural Peanut Butter – Google Docs Download

Yummy-Tummy All-Natural Peanut Butter

You ever notice how many extremely rich people seem to go a little weird about it, and in a particularly reclusive way? Well, there’s a reason for that, and it’s called ‘Yummy-Tummy All-Natural Peanut Butter.’ The only peanut butter brand ‘on the market’ (heh) that ships its product under other brands’ labels; and doesn’t the company pay well for that particular feature.

Item Seed: Oblatum Solacii.

Oblatum Solacii – Google Docs Download

Oblatum Solacii

Description: a roughly-filed sphere of brass small enough to be comfortably carried in one hand. It always feels almost unpleasantly warm to the touch, but this is a psychological reaction, not a physical one. An Oblatum Solaccii has a minor enchantment on it that prevents it from being casually damaged, but it is not particularly indestructible. Note that these items absolutely will set off any kind of demon-detection magic.

Powers: An Oblatum Solaccii feeds on grief. Holding one for at least one minute will allow the user to effectively overcome feelings of sorrow and bereavement; the emotions are still there, but attenuated and oddly powerful. This effect only lasts as long as the item is being held, but even when the old emotions come back they do so at a noticeably lower level. Regular use can speed the recovery process from a tragic loss. It can also turn the user into a sociopath whose ability to feel connections with others has been permanently burned away, so the artifacts are not often used by the same person regularly.

Item Seed: The Hellsbane Spatula.

Hellsbane Spatula – Google Docs Download

Hellsbane Spatula

Description: a thirteen inch cake spreader with what appears to be an eight inch stainless steel blunt blade and rubberized grip. The Hellsbane Spatula is apparently immune to impact, corrosion, breakage, and all Earthly environmental conditions, up to and including being immersed in a lava flow.

Powers: The Hellsbane Spatula has the same effect on demonic entities as a functional chainsaw has on unarmored human flesh; only with less blood, and more spontaneous combustion.

Item Seed: Beerhives and Booze Bees.

Beerhives and Booze Bees – Google Docs Download

Beerhives and Booze Bees

These are the structures made by the ‘booze bee,’ (Apis mellifera mirabilis) which is a new species of honey bee spreading through the southeastern United States and Caribbean. Beerhives are noteworthy mostly for the unique nature of their honeycombs, which are saturated with ethyl alcohol. About a pound of Beerhive honeycomb can be mixed with a gallon of water to produce an extremely tasty alcoholic beverage called ‘bee-beer’ (it’s even mildly carbonated). Strictly speaking, bee-beer isn’t actually beer, but not many people really care; and the ones that do care don’t really mind. It tastes great and has a nice kick to it, which is the important thing.

Item Seed: The Aralik Stellae.

Aralik Stellae – Google Docs Download

The Aralik Stellae

Description: a collection of hexagons made out of an unknown, and apparently indestructible white material that is warm to the touch, remarkably light, and completely inflexible. Each hexagon has a hexagram inscribed in it in black. Two or more Aralik Stellae will connect to each other as if they were magnetic, forming an interlocking pattern — but the Stellae are not magnetic.

These items were not found in the town of Aralik, but nobody wanted to admit that they were pulled out of an oddly-preserved wooden boat half-buried in a crevasse at the top of Mount Ararat. They still won’t, in fact. Their existence can be seen as an, ah, fundamental challenge to the current global culture’s basic worldview.

Item Seed: Busull-unaza.

Busull-unaza – Google Docs Download

Busull-unaza

Description: one of an indeterminate number of clunky, stainless steel rings sized for adolescent fingers. There are no maker’s marks, per se, but the item practically screams its Sov-Bloc aesthetic to the world. The rings never grow warm to the touch.

Ability: well, Busull-unaza allow the user to see magnetic fields. They also set up a feedback loop in adolescent brains which increases the chance of a psionic mutant ability developing. Or they can just trigger inoperable brain tumors. Or both.