Monster Seed: The Apocalypse Gene.

Apocalypse Gene

Appearance: prior to activation, there’s nothing particularly unusual.  After activation, the victim loses all of his or her hair, teeth become bony plates that regenerate over time, the skin becomes hard but flexible, and the body loses most of its body fat.  Primary sexual characteristics do not disappear, but someone with an activated Apocalypse Gene cannot reproduce.

Effects: increased speed; hyper-strength; exceptionally efficient digestive and immune systems; mild healing factor; skin effectively immune to unarmed attacks and resistant against both crushing and impaling damage; retractable, serrated claws on hands and feet; an optimal temperature range that runs from -10 to 110 degrees Farenheit; the ability to commit multiple acts of violence (including murder) without longterm psychological trauma; creative slave mentality, linked to a thankfully extinct Dominator leader caste; and an effective immunity to fear, shock, panic, and despair.  Needless to say, once the Apocalypse Gene is activated the effects cannot be reversed.

Continue reading Monster Seed: The Apocalypse Gene.

Monster Seed: Zllort.


You can only hear about Zllort in the special chat forums: the ones where you interact by landline-calling up an empty room with a computer already at the page, a speaker, and a speech-to-text function.  You recite your comment, let it auto-propagate into the chat, and then read the responses off of a dedicated webcam. Whether this is all frighteningly paranoid, or even more frighteningly not paranoid enough, is left as an exercise for the interested student; but it’s apparently enough to avoid the specialized and very lethal attention of Zllort.

Continue reading Monster Seed: Zllort.

Monster Seed: Volpeus.

Volpeus – Google Docs



Volpeus is old, even for an animal spirit.  It is old, it is crafty, and it utterly loathes humanity (the spirit has nurtured a grudge against Man for thousands of years).  It is difficult for mundane authorities to understand just how much bleak hatred Volpeus has in its heart for humans: this hatred has in fact ground away many other parts of both Volpeus’s personality, and its memories.  The spirit itself no longer even remembers the origins of its hatred for humanity — and it no longer cares that it has forgotten, either.

Continue reading Monster Seed: Volpeus.

Monster seed: Supplanters.

Been working on this most of the afternoon.


You think I’m going to help you? You think that I want you to cut it out of me?  Go to Hell. People like you threw me into the gutter; it’s the only thing that’s ever tried to put me back up on my feet. I’ll hurt you before I let you take it away.  And then you’ll go to jail, because monsters aren’t real. Or, maybe you’ll go to the hospital, because you’ll be the one who sounds crazy now.  Let’s see how you’ll handle it.

Supplanters are the dangerous kind of monsters: that is, they are clever, patient, and strong-willed.  Like all of their kind, they have an overpowering need to manifest in our plane of existence – but they think in longer terms than virtually any other sort of monster out there, and they know how to plot.  And Supplanters know how to enlist the help of their prey.

Continue reading Monster seed: Supplanters.

Monster Seed: Sludge Shoggoths.

Sludge Shoggoths

Well, they’re not exactly ‘shoggoths.’  Probably. One hopes.  They’re… not exactly harmless, but they’re… manageable.  And – horribly enough – valuable, too.

In its ‘natural’ aquatic form Sludge Shoggoth resembles about five hundred pounds’ worth of various gunk and garbage that will suddenly surround and consume you if you get too close.  That’s problematic, although somebody with a sharp enough knife can usually cut himself loose before he suffocates.  Sludge Shoggoths are also vulnerable to electricity, but not fire: killing one will cause the ‘body’ to dissolve back into the water.  Curiously, they have virtually no smell at all.   Continue reading Monster Seed: Sludge Shoggoths.

Monster seed: Chameleon Sculpture Pythons.

Blame this.

Chameleon Sculpture-Pythons

So, do you know what happens when you activate a portable dimensional gate generator with a leaky containment matrix?  That’s right: nothing, usually.  Unless you have the bad luck to have a fuse blow while the gate is active, because you were an idiot who wasn’t doing all the other standard maintenance on your portable dimensional gate generator, too.  It that happens, well, you get a semi-permanent untuned gate for about ten seconds or so. A loud, attractive untuned gate.  Sometimes Things From Outside come to investigate. Continue reading Monster seed: Chameleon Sculpture Pythons.

@slate publishes article by notorious infanticide advocate Peter Singer.

There are those that will call that ‘poisoning the well,’ as Peter Singer was saying stupid things about defunding the coal industry instead of vile things about how parents should be permitted to kill their babies. To which I say: fine. I’m not making a logical argument*. I’m highlighting the fact that Slate published a monster. I’m sure that the website feels that it can easily weather my disapproval of their editorial process.

Moe Lane

PS: link via here. I decline to directly link to monsters if I can help it.

*I know that this will shock some people, but logic is not actually the game-ender that the Internet collectively seems to think that it is.  I know, I know: even to write that out feels more than a little transgressive (I am, after all, an Internet denizen). But it remains true nonetheless.