Dec
18
2013
2

“Psychopathological Gangster Moe Lane Condemned .”

I certainly hope that someone would do that.

Voicing its agreement with the angry will of the people, a special military tribunal of the DPRK Ministry of State Security was held against Moe Lane, traitor for all ages.

The world public will never forget the malignant slanders uttered by Lane, the enemy of the party and the revolution and a servant of the fascist clique of South Korea.

[snip]

Lane is a half-baked person whose remarks often stun audience as they reveal utter ignorance, does not know even elementary diplomatic etiquette and lacks diplomatic ability, and set out to undermine the party’s monolithic leadership system and single-minded unity.

(more…)

Apr
08
2013
--

Barack Obama to Hawaii, West Coast: [expletive deleted] off.

(Hypothetical) North Korean missiles ain’t going to hit DC or Chicago, and that’s no doubt the important thing:

The Pentagon will request $9.16 billion for missile defense programs for the 2014 fiscal year that begins Oct. 1, about $550 million less than this year’s $9.71 billion, according to internal budget figures obtained by Bloomberg News.

The missile defense proposal scheduled to be released April 10 is part of a $526.6 billion defense budget President Barack Obama will propose, according to government officials familiar with the budget plan who asked not to be named discussing it in advance.

Via Hot Air.  …Oh, just read the whole thing: Ed Morrissey made the same comments that I would, including the bit about how a nuke can really negatively impact an environment impact statement.  All I can add is that it’s a good thing that hijacked, Soviet-era plutonium is apparently not something that the Russian Mafia is insane enough to sell in job lots*… because that’s probably the major reason why the nuclear club doesn’t include Kimjonilland right now…

Moe Lane

*Or else they’re just selling it to countries that have no intention of nuking Russia anyway.

Apr
07
2013
4

Barack Obama blames US Navy for increased North Korean tensions.

Ever notice that this administration is only lightning-fast when it comes to shifting blame when things don’t work out perfectly?  They practically left a vapor trail in their zeal to anonymously accuse the US military of being responsible for our tense situation with North Korea:

So, it’s the Navy’s fault that the U.S.-North Korea spat has gone so far?

That’s the apparent message from senior administration officials who, according to the Wall Street Journal on Thursday, said that they had long planned to send B-52s, B-2 stealth bombers, and F-22 fighters to the Korean Peninsula as part of preplanned wargames with South Korea, but that they had not planned the recent deployment of Navy destroyers.

Last weekend, the U.S. ordered two guided-missile destroyers to the Western Pacific — the U.S.S. John S. McCain and the U.S.S. Decatur — to provide additional defense against North Korean ballistic missiles.

Command takes responsibility, Mr. Obama.  (more…)

Mar
29
2013
--

I’m not surprised that North Korea is ‘targeting’ Austin, TX.

We forget that, reservation-of-deliberate-weirdos* aside, Austin is the capital of Texas.  And if there’s a place that’s pretty much the antithesis of North Korea, it’s Texas.

Which doesn’t make North Korea any less insane for targeting Austin with missiles that it doesn’t actually have.  And here I was, hoping that the new King of North Korea might not be as crazy as the rest of his dynasty…

Via

Moe Lane

*Actually, I can say that.  I’m a weirdo myself.

Mar
03
2013
1

George Stephanopoulos meets Dennis Rodman, recoils in shock.

“I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you can not put downe.”

I would feel more sympathy towards George Stephanopoulos here if only it weren’t for the fact that Dennis Rodman’s invincible ignorance and wrong-headed thinking on North Korea – nay: objective reality – is directly attributable to a media mindset that George Stephanopoulos has spent his entire career encouraging and I’ve spent my entire career fighting against*.

When [George] Stephanopoulos went after [Dennis] Rodman on not talking about North Korean death camps he said, “We do the same things here.”

A dumbfounded Stephanopoulos replied, “We have prison camps here in the United States?”

“This is all politics right? He don’t want to do that,” said Rodman. (more…)

Nov
30
2012
4

King Kim Jong Un discovers ancient dynastic ancestor’s unicorn lair.

Seriously, this crap makes a lot more sense if you stop trying to fit it into a 19th century worldview and just go back all the way back to Charlemagne: short version is, North Korean ‘researchers’ have conveniently found a so-called ‘unicorn lair’ from ancient times that just happens to be right outside their capital.   Believe it or not, this is possibly not just about North Korea getting some bizarre self-scored style points over North Korea, and I’m suggesting that because of this:

“Supposedly, this unicorn was ridden by none other than King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom (277 B.C.-A.D. 668).”

I’m an optimist, so possibly I am reading too much into this; but it does seem sometimes like North Korea is trying to go from Marxism to actual feudalism.  Which is going to be perceived as being ironic, but only by people who really think that the former is an improvement on the latter*…
Via:

Moe Lane

*You know.  Idiots.

 

 

 

Oct
26
2012
6

King of North Korea executes rebellious baron… via mortar round.

The official charge was for insolence shown towards the Dynasty, but it was clearly a measure designed to put the King’s vassals back under control of the central authority.  The method of execution was diagnostic (also somewhat… Byzantine):

Kim Chol, vice minister of the army, was taken into custody earlier this year on the orders of Kim Jong-un, who assumed the leadership after the death of his father in December.

On the orders of Kim Jong-un to leave “no trace of him behind, down to his hair,” according to South Korean media, Kim Chol was forced to stand on a spot that had been zeroed in for a mortar round and “obliterated.”

Note that I had to translate the titles: North Korea until quite recently was under a form of government known as Communism, which was quite popular in the last century despite the fact that it apparently makes its adherents abjectly stupid – and murderous, when possible.  Its ongoing evolution to hereditary monarchy is, of course, an improvement, but you have to expect a certain amount of barbarism in the process (it is uncertain whether this judicial murder was ordered by the King himself, or his uncle the Grand Vizier).  I would suggest that the remaining members of the North Korean baronages would find it well-advised to create some sort of united front to establish their rights and prerogatives; after all, as it currently stands King Jong-un can simply kill them off one by one.  If the barons need some ideas, this might prove to be a useful primer: I’m sure that somebody can translate it into Korean for them. (more…)

Sep
24
2012
4

#rsrh North Korea flirts with the smallest possible market reforms EVER.

Disgustingly, that still makes this a pretty big deal:

It what could be the most drastic change to North Korea society since the nation’s founding, the government has announced new rules that would give farmers some small bit of ownership over the crops they grow. Under the new directives — which have not been publicly announced, but have been reported by some farm workers — farmers would be able to keep surplus crops, sell them at local markets, and keep the profits. Under the current central planning rules, farmers must turn over everything they harvest to the state, except for what they are allowed to keep for family use.

It’s a hell of a thing when the above represents a Great Leap Forward, as it were.  Then again, Marxism is intellectualism for stupid people, so I suppose that you have to grade the North Koreans on a curve. Or possibly the entire circle*. (more…)

Dec
19
2011
9

#rsrh A fair approximation of Hell.

Trying to sample the nightlife scene in Pyongyang.  Executive summary: it doesn’t exist and you’re not allowed to leave the hotels at night anyway.  Or during the day, sans keeper.  Or ever, really.  This entire revelation is beggared by the fact that North Korea apparently has a tourism industry.  Why in God’s name would anybody go there, if they didn’t have to?  Sheer sadism?

…Don’t answer that: I suspect that the answer would be even more depressing.

Moe Lane

Mar
17
2011
2

#rsrh Red Dawn Bad Guys now… North Korea?

You have got to be [expletive deleted] me… no.  No, no: they’re really going to turn the ChiComs into North Koreans for Red Dawn.  You see, the Chinese might get upset, and they’re a revenue source: but nobody in Hollywood cares if the North Koreans take offense.  After all, as Greg Gutfield notes, “…with that country, there’s nothing to be gained, financially. It’s as lucrative as a Kathy Griffin porn site.”

Yes, I know.  The goggles do nothing.

Anyway, it’s a shame: Libertas reviewed the film-that-was (SPOILERS), and it sounded fun.  Guess MGM just likes being collaborators.

Moe Lane

PS: WOLVERINES!

Jul
07
2010
2

#rsrh Justin Bieber’s Online Contest.

What could possibly go wrong?

Justin Bieber is apparently the subject of a new Internet prank, which now has the singer facing a tour of North Korea.

Bieber held a contest on his website encouraging fans to vote for where the next stop on his “My World” tour should be, with no restrictions on which countries could be voted for.

Oh, dear.

The contest ended up with more than half a million votes to send the 16-year-old teen icon to the communist nation.

4chan…

…and I don’t think that we need to go any further than that, do we? With that name you know how it ends, after all.  Anyway, somebody at Hot Air Headlines really, really wants this to happen; I’m just mildly impressed that the second place finisher was apparently Israel.  Which he should totally… sing, is it?  I’m apparently not in his target demographic*… for.

Moe Lane (more…)

Jun
18
2010
10

#rsrh QotD, Angry Capitalist Spectre edition. (NSFW)

Hot Air’s Allahpundit, on why the North Koreans suddenly decided to relax restrictions on their markets before everybody quite died of starvation:

The key to this[...] is last year’s currency exchange, in which the NorKs tried to counter inflation by announcing that 100 units of the extant currency would henceforth only be worth one unit. No problem there — except for one small detail. They set a limit on how much currency each citizen could exchange, so if you had the equivalent of $100,000 stashed away in “old” money and the exchange cap was set at $100 of “new” money, guess what: You just lost the equivalent of $90,000. With people’s savings up in smoke, a new round of starvation duly began and now they’re trying to head it off by all but declaring defeat at the hands of the vengeful ghost of Adam Smith.

(more…)

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